Your Observer Self and Disentanglement

In this column, I'll cover the last two Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques you can use to develop greater psychological flexibility. They are called the Observer Self and Disentanglement. According to ACT theory, there are two main views: the self-as-content view and the self-as-context view.

When you take a self-as-content view of the world, you see yourself as merely a collection of your thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories, stories, and images. Taking a self-as-content view of your life places tremendous value on your thoughts and feelings. It also sets you up for believing that because your thoughts and feelings are so important, you can work out all of your problems and decisions in your head instead of taking action.

In actuality, you are more than a mere collection of thoughts and feelings. You are a living being comprised of flesh and blood, with a rich history and living presence, part of which includes your thoughts and feelings.

When you take a self-as-context view (aka Observer Self view) of a potentially stressful situation, you step back and allow yourself to become an impartial observer of your thoughts and feelings. Observing your thoughts and feelings from this safe distance allows you to see that your stressful mental activity is just that: things going on in your mind. This perspective also allows you to observe whether or not your thoughts and feelings are accurate and helpful, or inaccurate and unhelpful. Unhelpful thoughts and feelings are often a source of stress and becoming stuck.

You can get unstuck from your stressful thoughts and feelings by using Disentanglement techniques. These give you a way to step back and take an Observer Self view. The White Board is a classic tool that you can use to disentangle from the troubling thoughts and painful emotions that are causing you stress. Writing things on a board and then stepping back creates mental and physical distance from them. You create mental distance by literally getting them out of your head and onto a whiteboard. You create physical distance from them by continuing to step further and further away from the board.

The White Board

Instructions

You can do this activity with a whiteboard, a flip chart with color markers, or a legal-sized pad with felt-tip pens.

1. Think of an area where you are feeling stressed. It might be related to work, your relationship with your partner, spouse, or children, or any other area.
2. Pick up one of the markers and write this heading: Unhelpful Thoughts My Mind Is Telling Me About (whatever you’re stressed about). Let’s use dating as an example: “Unhelpful Thoughts My Mind Is Telling Me About Starting to Date Again.”
3. List all of your unhelpful thoughts and self-talk about this issue. List all of your thoughts—no matter how crazy, silly, or inconsequential you think they might seem to be. For example, “I’m too old to be doing this,” “I’ll never find another person like my ex-wife,” “I’ll feel silly starting to date at my age.”
4. Now write the following heading: “Unhelpful scary pictures my mind is creating about ……” Close your eyes when doing this to help facilitate seeing the images in your mind. Describe all of your scary pictures—no matter how crazy, silly, or inconsequential you think they might seem to be.
5. Finally, write the following final heading: “Painful emotions my mind is creating about ……”
6. Describe the emotions your mind is creating about…….Describe all of your emotions—no matter how crazy, silly, or inconsequential you think they might seem to be.
7. When you’re done, put down the marker and step back a few feet from the board or pad and re-examine all of your unhelpful thoughts, personal scripts, mental images, and emotions.
8. When you are done stepping back tell yourself, “Boy, my mind has been pretty busy churning out all of these things.”
9. Now step back three more feet and say, "These are merely my thoughts, feelings, and mental images—they are not me. I am much more than these things."
10. Feel the effects of your self-talk and the distance you have put between yourself and these unhelpful thoughts and feelings.
11. Try stepping back even further to put more distance between you and these unhelpful thoughts.

When you are done, you'll probably find that the actual process of getting things out of your mind and onto paper was incredibly liberating. Following that up with literally stepping back and observing this mental activity from a distance made it even more powerful.