Common Thinking Traps Related to Stress

In my last couple of columns, I asked the question, “Are your thoughts helpful?” In this article, I’m going to talk about three unhelpful thinking traps that most of us fall into from time to time and how to avoid them. Thinking traps are stereotypical ways of viewing potentially stressful situations that often lead to stress.

Trap # 1: The "I Can Figure It All Out in My Head" Trap

One of the most common thinking traps I’ve encountered over the years working with students and clients is the "I Can Figure It All Out in My Head" trap. The name is pretty self-explanatory, as this trap revolves around the mistaken belief that you can control your stress-related pain and suffering by figuring everything out in your head in advance before taking any action. Instead of directly experiencing the potentially stressful situation and seeing how it works out in real life, you avoid it and spend endless hours ruminating about all of the things that could have gone wrong and how you would control them.

This is a trap for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that you can never predict in advance how things will actually turn out. If you actually take a chance, you might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. The second reason this is a trap is because as soon as your mind figures out the answer to one problem or question related to the situation, it will create another, and another, and another. Your mind is great at this endless rumination. If you let it, your mind will create an endless stream of consciousness that keeps you stuck in your head and away from taking action.

A perfect example of this happened to me a couple of years ago when I was asked to train a group of mental health clinicians about how to use my stress management principles and practices with their clients. Although I was flattered and excited about the possibility of earning extra income through training mental health professionals, the prospect of doing so triggered a flood of troubling thoughts and painful emotions in my mind.

As I pondered my first training session, my mind was spinning with thoughts like these: "I don't have enough clinical experience to work with these folks", "I'll look foolish trying to lecture these people", "I won't be able to answer all of their questions and look like a fool."

When I closed my eyes and imagined what the following day would look like, I saw people getting up and leaving early, and the remaining attendees sitting back silently and looking bored, with their arms crossed over their chests, shooting me disapproving looks.

Instead of accepting the negative self-talk and scary mental images triggered by my mind, I spent hours trying to figure out every possible thing that could go wrong with the training. After a few hours of trying to work this all out in my head, I decided to practice what I was going to preach the next day and accept the things I couldn't control and focus on the things I could control (my preparation, training materials, and energy level).

I also decided to do three training programs as a trial. If, after doing three of them, I did not enjoy the experience or do a credible job, I would stop doing the trainings. I accepted the fact that the only way to know what the experience of training mental health clinicians would be like was to actually do it (aka take action).

Amazingly, the actual experience of doing the trainings was completely different from what my mind told me it would be like. I learned that I knew more than enough about stress management to satisfy my audience. My audiences for all three training sessions were engaged, asked lots of good questions, and shared their clinical experience with each other. Instead of bored, scowling faces, I saw lots of smiles, encouraging nods, and knowing looks. In addition, I met some wonderful people, expanded my professional network, and got to experience some interesting cities where the trainings were held. I also realized that I enjoyed working with this audience and looked forward to being able to continue such work in the future.

If I had listened to my mind and tried to avoid the troubling thoughts and painful emotions by not accepting the job, I would have never experienced what I did and would have never known how my background translated into a professional training environment for licensed counselors. I would have avoided an entirely new and enriching professional direction for me to pursue.

Trap #2: The “Thoughts Are Reality” Trap

Another of my favorite thinking traps is the “Thoughts are Reality” trap. This trap is based on the perception that your thoughts about something represent the objective reality of the situation. In fact, unless you experience something directly in the present moment, your thoughts about it are just that, your thoughts.

An example of this is reading about something currently being reported in the news, like the allegations brought against the temporary immigration holding facility nicknamed Alligator Alcatraz. You read the stories in the newspaper(s), got the "facts" about the alleged treatment of detainees, and your mind created your thoughts about the situation. Your reality of the detention facility is really your version of what your mind told you about it after you read the stories. Your thoughts about the place and treatment of detainees are based on secondhand accounts of it as reported in the newspaper(s) and your interpretation of this as it passed through the filters of your mind. Since you’ve never visited the place and observed the treatment of the detainees, you fall into the "Thoughts are Reality" trap. Essentially, you believe that your thoughts about the conditions of the facility are the actual reality of what is happening there. Sometimes this secondhand information about a situation is all that is available, and you don’t have the opportunity to experience it directly. That is a good message to tell yourself to get out of the trap and the stress associated with it.

Traps #3: The “Permanence” Trap

Another one of my favorites, "The Permanence Trap", comes from the work of Martin Seligman (1990), a pioneer in the Positive Psychology movement. Seligman wrote that each of us has an “explanatory style” that relates to how we view the world. Our explanatory style has three key components that relate to stressful thinking: permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization. Because of space restraints, I’ll only discuss permanence.

Permanence refers to how long you believe stressful events will last. If you view a temporary stressor as something that will “last forever” and affect you "permanently", you’re falling into the permanence trap. People who continually fall into this trap frequently say things like "These kinds of things always happen to me, or I’ll never be able to get it right, or I’ll never find someone to love me". Remember: you fall into the Permanence Trap when you view a temporary stressor as something that will last forever and permanently affect you.

The best way to get out of the trap is to continue to remind yourself that situations change and most are temporary. Then shift your focus and your mind on strategies you can use to modify the situation or get out of it completely.

I’m offering my readers a free copy of my Introduction to the Five R’s of Conquering Your Stress Video Program. This free video course will get you started in your quest to stress less and live more. Please take advantage of this free offer (a $69 value) by going to my website and downloading the course. https://richard-s-site-8d07.thinkific.com/products/courses/stress-less-live-more-introductory-course

Until next time, remember to Stress Less and Live More.