You DO Matter

Dear Do I Matter,

Yes! You matter! Furthermore, you can help others feel like they matter too.

Let’s get some valuable insight on the topic from Jennifer Wallace. She’s the author of Never Enough and the newly released sequel, Mattering.

Wallace suggests we take a moment to reflect. Spend time at the end of the day to consider one way you contributed to someone’s life and write it down. “This kind of self-awareness builds our own internal sense of mattering,” writes Wallace.

Next, she suggests starting an impact file. This is a box (or space in your computer) where you store special thank-you notes or cards people have written to you. Wallace explains. “On days when you feel like you don’t matter, you can pull everything out and remember your value.”

Last Christmas, my friend Lisa, who is my Affirmation-In-Chief person, sent me an email thanking me for an event I invited her to. She wrote, “You are a queen. So inspiring and fun to be around.” I’ve saved that email and refer to it when I’m questioning my value. Those precious words mean the world to me!

Wallace also writes about creating mattering spaces. “A mattering space is anything outside of our homes and workplaces where we can build community,” she explains. I imagine this could be a dog park, the gym, a coffee shop, a church.

After my dad retired, he started meeting a group of guys every afternoon for coffee. They picked a number for who was to pay the bill. He also had coffee every morning at exactly ten o’clock with the widow across the street. If he was a minute late, Max (short for Maxine) would give him a call. He never stayed more than thirty minutes, but it got him out of the house and tuned into another person’s life.

Recognizing the value of others helps us remember that we, too, are needed and capable of making a difference. Perhaps this means commenting on the unique name of the bagger at the grocery store or sending an encouraging text to a grandchild. The smallest gesture can remind someone that they matter.

Coaching questions: How will you remind yourself that you matter? Which suggestion above resonates with you? Where will you discover or create a “mattering space?” What’s one thing you’ll do to help someone else feel as though they matter?