When Kat Came to Town

In some years, Easter comes early. During other years, Easter arrives late, but Easter always arrives on the first Sunday after the first full moon of the spring equinox. In Orthodox countries, Easter arrives later, but on Marco Island, when Kat Came to Town, is a date on the calendar that can never be forgotten, and a true example of the diversity of the lifestyles on our islands. 

On that fateful Easter Sunday, when Kat Came to Town, she arrived with a cornucopia of others from all over the world. As with many on Marco, Goodland, and the Isles of Capri, our families and friends are as assorted as the colors of a Marco Beach sunset.

For this occasion, there were flamboyant grannies from Bulgaria and Dearborn, Michigan. There were brothers and sisters-in-law from the Ozark Mountains in Missouri, and there were Germans from Freiburg and Dortmund. There were also many Americans from all over the Midwest and finally there were the families from Austria and England.

The Easter brunch, when it began, must have appeared like a springtime family photoshoot for a popular magazine. Everyone was dressed in his or her Sunday best. The setting was a large home on Marco with tables and chairs arranged around a spacious swimming pool and an elegant patio and pergola. Several sideboards were bending from the weight of the food, a full bar was open, but the catalyst and the spark for what would follow was the karaoke machine that was set up on a little stage on the far side of the pool.

When Kat and her family and friends from England and Austria made their entrance, they appeared as if they just came from a modeling session. Kat and the other English ladies were lovely with large brimmed hats and floral dresses and the Englishmen and an Austrian grandfather wore stately ties and elegant blazers.

During the first hour, food was the agenda, but after eating, all of the children quickly changed into bathing suits and the pool was suddenly full of kids and laughter. Every accent imaginable was drifting over the kids in the pool and the open bar was definitely open and flowing. 

After the second hour, one of the young men from Germany sat down next to a beautiful young mother from the Ozarks and began an eager conversation that the older husband from the Ozarks obviously did not like. The mountain man of a husband was not close enough to hear what was being said, but as he stood and stared, he remarked to a passerby at the bar as he sipped his Tennessee whiskey. “I’ll bet that fancy German boy doesn’t know about how mountain men feel about protecting their women, or about the pistol waiting out in my truck.” After the slurred comment from the Ozark Mountain man, the passerby that was a Marco Beach Boy had heard enough and quickly moved to a position where he could signal his friend from Germany there was big trouble brewing over by the bar.

At the beginning of the third hour, when the Ozark Mountain man was still drinking Jack Daniels and staring at his young wife and the handsome young German, Kat, in her floral dress and wide brimmed English hat stepped up and onto the little karaoke stage. Without a pause, she sipped her glass of champagne and picked up the microphone. Kat was beautiful. Her long auburn hair framed her face perfectly, but her green eyes seemed to glow with a hidden mischief.

“I would very much like to welcome everyone today,” Kat began over the microphone with her English accent, “To this fabulous celebration. For my first song I would like to perform the classic Willie Nelson Billboard smash: “Mama, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys.”

During her rendition of the classic country song, Kat seemed to be singing to the brooding Ozark mountain man at the bar and to the young Ozark mother beside the dashing German who could not seem to stop laughing.

When Kat finished the song to a standing ovation and a blustering round of applause, the Austrian grandmother decided enough was enough and she abruptly gathered her brood of English and Austrian children from the pool with loud promises of ice cream and departed in a rush. She must have known what was coming.

Meanwhile, a couple of musicians arrived from Goodland and gathered on stage behind Kat at the forefront. When the fourth hour began, the hot spring sunshine was streaming down onto the stage and Kat began to perspire. Kat only did country songs and in between songs, her English accent dominated the pool deck with jokes and a bawdy commentary that would have made a London cabby blush.

When the Ozark mountain man disappeared out the front door and headed for his truck, Kat and her impromptu band began singing: “Ruby don’t bring your love to town” by Kenny Rogers.

After the first verse, Kat threw her hat into the audience, and stepped out of her beautiful floral dress. She was now standing and singing in her underwear that said, “Bite Me,” on the bottom.

When Kat finished the last verse of “Ruby Don’t Take Your Love to Town,” she twirled around on the stage and asked the band to “play it one more time . . . but this time with more feeling!”

When the Ozark Mountain man returned to the pool deck and the little concert that was unbelievably underway, he seemed to forget about the wandering eye of his young wife, and whatever was in the leather bag he was carrying when he saw Kat singing in her underwear with “Bite Me,” on the bottom.

After Kat, in her descriptive underwear, drank a few more glasses of champagne, and sang a few more country songs, she bowed to her audience, and then turned to bow to the band, before slipping back into her dress and walking into the swimming pool. The whiskey drinking Ozark mountain man was so in shock by the behavior of the beautiful English woman that he seemed to forget about the dashing young European who was no longer making advances and talking to his wife. As for the flamboyant Bulgarian and Dearborn grannies visiting from the Midwest, they just smiled and said, “Wow, you kids from Marco sure have some wild friends!”

Tom Williams is a Marco Islander and the author of two books: “Lost and Found” and “Surrounded by Thunder - the Story of Darrell Loan and the Rocket Men.” Both books are available on Kindle and Nook.