Vinnie’s Secret Weapon

Vinnie was from New York and embraced everything from his past. Although Vinnie and Stella moved to the Sunshine State and were now embracing everything within the southwest Florida realm of a new and different lifestyle, New York was much more than a state of mind. 

Vinnie and Stella loved Billy Joel. They also loved Frank Sinatra, Brooklyn Pizza, Moonstruck, and every Godfather movie ever made. Tradition was important in so many ways to the ethnic families in New York, and like many teenagers living in the shadow of Manhattan, Vinnie in his youth was wild. 

After stickball became boring, and roaming the streets lost the appeal of exploring different neighborhoods, Vinnie and all of his pals decided that girls, with all of their mystery, maneuvering, and determination, were a new subject of interest and intrigue that would never fade. 

When Vinnie went on his first date, his ride was the subway and his date was a girl from another neighborhood. The girl was older and seemed to know everything Vinnie was thinking, even before he could utter a sentence. Even though his first date was, perhaps, beyond educational, Vinnie wanted to be more like Frank Sinatra in the movies and not be just another subject of giggles and scrutiny by a small army of girls in the high school cafeteria. 

The second date for Vinnie was completely different. The girl was from a good Italian family in the same neighborhood, and everyone went to the same church. This time, a ride on the subway was out of the question. This time, Vinnie was under the obligation to go to her door, meet her parents and possibly her grandparents before stepping out for an evening where most likely several of the girl’s relatives would be lying in wait to spy and report back to the family on every aspect of the young man’s advances toward a beautiful young lady. 

After Vinnie’s second and far more conservative date, he decided he wanted to date girls who were not from his strict Italian neighborhood but also girls who were not too pushy and overconfident. 

In no time, Vinnie settled into a pattern of dating girls from all of the five boroughs of New York. Many of Vinnie’s friends of the same age and neighborhood also fell into the same pattern, and soon it was Vinnie and his buddies who were comparing notes and giggling about the various mysteries and quirks of dating in New York. 

After only one year of dating almost everyone, Vinnie met Stella and fell in love. A big wedding was soon to follow, and during the following years, the couple from New York became blessed with three daughters. 

Vinnie’s little girls were the most precious parts of his life. Cherish was a word that was not quite worthy of Vinnie’s feelings toward the three treasurable apples of his eye, and when the girls began to grow into young ladies that became even more precious, Vinnie was torn apartwhen it came time for the oldest of his girl’s first date. 

Even though the family was now living in southwest Florida and New York was far away, Vinnie was determined to uphold time-honored family traditions and keep the virtues and sanctity of his family in place. Vinnie did not want to think about his years of dating escapades and his prowling expeditions through the five boroughs of New York. He did, however, admire the wisdom and traditions of his second date with the Italian girl, her strict and foreboding father, and her family from church. 

When the first boy came to the house for the oldest daughter's first date, Vinnie and Stella were waiting with the two younger girls. After the oldest daughter came down and melted Vinnie’s heart, but before the pale boy with pimples could take her away for the evening, Vinnie wanted a moment alone with the young man. By prearrangement, Stella distracted the dressed-up daughter to the kitchen while Vinnie took the boy outside and popped the trunk of his car. Under the glowing light of the truck lid and resting on the carpet of the luggage compartment was a brand-new shovel. 

“Do you know what this is?” Vinnie asked the boy. “Do you know what I will do with this shovel if anything goes wrong while you are out with my daughter? What I will do if my daughter is mistreated in any way?” 

The boy stood in shock. He could not answer but stood staring at the resting shovel. 

As the boy was no longer capable of speech, Vinnie slammed the trunk lid. After a nod back toward the front door, Vinnie whispered. “Don’t make me bury you here in Florida like we do in New York.” 

Vinnie and Stella were waiting when the oldest daughter and the boy with pimples came back early. After every first date, Vinnie and Stella performed the same ritual, and none of the girls was ever mistreated.  

On the last first date, when the youngest daughter was finally ready to go out, the older daughters were waiting to check out the youngest new suitor, along with visiting grandparents from New York, when Stella took the youngest into the kitchen, and Vinnie took the boy outside. 

When Vinnie popped the trunk without looking and asked the newest boy with pimples about what he saw, the boy answered quickly, “It’s a mop, sir.” 

When Vinnie looked, it was indeed a mop, a pail, and some brushes from a recent car wash for the church. The shovel was no longer in sight, and after Vinnie mumbled something under his breath, the boy followed him back to the front porch where the dressed-up youngest daughter, Stella, and everyone else was waiting. When the boy drove off with the youngest, Stella looked at Vinnie and said, “I figured the mop was better, and maybe we will not get so many calls from the boy’s parents or the sheriff.”