Living Well After 60: Who’s Going to Take Care of Us When We Get Older?

Have you ever walked into a room and completely forgotten why you went there? Or spent ten minutes looking for your glasses, only to discover they’re sitting on top of your head? Welcome to the club! And if you haven’t experienced either of these, just give it time.

There are certainly some funny things about getting older. I sometimes think the best exercise I get is looking for my phone, my keys, or whatever else I’ve misplaced that day.

But there is one question about aging that isn’t quite so funny, and it’s something I think we all need to consider.

Who’s going to take care of us when we can no longer take care of ourselves?

For most of our lives, we’ve been the caregivers. We’ve raised children, helped aging parents, supported friends through illnesses, and perhaps cared for a spouse. We’ve been the ones everyone calls when something goes wrong.

But what happens when we’re the ones who need help?

Many of us are fortunate to have children, but they may live hundreds or even thousands of miles away. Others have no children or have lost their spouses. And even those of us who have wonderful families don’t necessarily want to become a responsibility for them. I suspect most of us have said, “I don’t ever want to be a burden to my children.” I know that’s a sentiment shared by many people I talk with. But here’s something worth remembering: Asking for help doesn’t make us a burden. It makes us human.

So, what can we do now, while we’re healthy, active, and still reasonably capable of finding our car in the Publix parking lot?

First, let’s talk about having a plan. Do you have someone who would notice if you didn’t answer your telephone for a day or two? Does a trusted neighbor have a key to your home? Does someone know where you keep your important documents, medical information, and emergency contacts? These are simple things, but they can make an enormous difference.

Next, have that sometimes uncomfortable conversation with your family or a trusted friend. Tell them what you would want if you became ill or needed assistance. Would you prefer to remain in your home as long as possible? Would you consider assisted living? Who would make decisions for you if you couldn’t make them yourself?

And please, don’t wait until there’s an emergency to have these discussions. It’s much easier to talk about these things over a cup of coffee than from a hospital bed.

Another important consideration is building a circle of friends and neighbors. Here on Marco Island, we have a wonderful community of people who genuinely care about one another. Churches, volunteer organizations, neighborhood groups, and social gatherings offer opportunities to develop friendships that may become increasingly important as we age.

Sometimes the person who makes the biggest difference in your life isn’t a family member at all. It might be the neighbor who checks on you after a storm, the friend who drives you to a doctor’s appointment, or someone who simply notices you haven’t been at your usual Thursday gathering.

We also need to be realistic about our homes. That beautiful bathtub may not seem quite so appealing when climbing in and out becomes an Olympic event. A few grab bars, better lighting, and removing tripping hazards can help us remain safely independent for years to come.

And while we’re talking about safety, let’s not forget a little technology!

Have you considered having an Amazon Alexa in your home? These clever little devices can do much more than tell us the weather, play our favorite music, or remind us what day it is (which, let’s face it, can sometimes be helpful!). With the proper setup, Alexa can help you call a family member, friend, or neighbor simply by asking. Imagine taking a fall and being unable to reach your telephone. Being able to say, “Alexa, call my daughter,” could make an enormous difference.

There are also emergency assistance services and medical alert devices designed specifically for situations like these. A regular Alexa cannot directly call 911, so it’s important to set up and test your emergency contact options ahead of time. Alexa also needs electricity, an internet connection, and to be close enough to hear your voice. For someone at greater risk of falling, a wearable medical alert system may provide additional protection.

And here’s another thought: perhaps an Alexa would make a wonderful Christmas or birthday gift for an aging parent or a friend who lives alone. Sometimes the best gifts aren’t the prettiest packages, but the ones that give us—and those who love us—a little peace of mind.

And let’s not forget the paperwork. Having a healthcare surrogate, advance directives, and appropriate legal documents in place is one of the kindest things we can do for the people who love us. An attorney can help make sure our wishes are properly documented.

Perhaps most importantly, we need to learn that accepting help is not a sign of weakness.

I know people who will happily spend hours helping someone else but would rather crawl across their kitchen floor than ask a neighbor to pick up a gallon of milk. Sound familiar? We need to get over that.

One of the beautiful things about living in a community is that we can take turns being there for one another. Today you may be the one delivering a meal. Tomorrow someone may be delivering one to you. That’s not charity. That’s friendship.

And for those of us who have aging parents, relatives, or friends, here’s a gentle reminder: don’t always wait for them to ask for help. Sometimes the most independent people are the ones who have the hardest time admitting they need a hand. A telephone call, an invitation to lunch, or simply stopping by for a visit may mean more than you realize.

I don’t think any of us particularly enjoys contemplating the day when we might need assistance. We’d much rather be planning our next vacation, enjoying lunch with friends, or figuring out why our knees make noises when we stand up. But a little planning today can give us peace of mind tomorrow.

And remember, growing older is a privilege that not everyone gets to experience. We might as well enjoy it, laugh at ourselves occasionally, and make sure we have people around us who will laugh along with us.

Until next time, keep moving, keep laughing, keep making friends—and for goodness’ sake, put your keys in the same place every day! I need to learn that lesson!