Unplugging for the Greater Good

Dear Coach,

I’m well beyond my teen years and yet, I seem to be checking my cellphone as often as a school kid or young adult. My husband is becoming annoyed with my “habit” and my intuition tells me that I’m excessive and, perhaps, even addicted. 

I can’t seem to stop constantly looking at news alerts, texts, Pinterest ideas, and social media.

Do you have any suggestions?

Signed,

FOMO (fear of missing out) Mom

Dear FOMO Mom,

You’re not alone. Like Narcissus staring into an endless pool of reflection, most of us can’t live without our cellphones in sight for very long—if at all. In fact, 47 percent of Americans admit to being addicted to their phones.

One survey found that the average American checks her phone 262 times a day. Another, more recent survey, says that in 2022, many of us will be checking our phones 344 times per day—that’s once every 4 minutes!

 All those quick social media check-ins, along with the rabbit holes of funny memes and videos, mean Americans spend an average of 2 hours and 54 minutes on their phones each day. That’s nearly a month and a half (44 days) on their phones in 2022!

Like many others, it sounds like you’re learning that tapping into all those news alerts, social posts, and texts comes at a big price. Johann Hari, author of “Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again,” cites research that it can take about 23 minutes to get back to the same level of attention we started with. Hari says the result is that we’re constantly living with profoundly degraded brainpower.

Since you wrote to me, I’m assuming you’re ready to make a change. Here are a few suggestions on how to solve nomophobia (can’t be without my phone), a psychological condition that’s up for inclusion in the American Psychiatric Association’s handbook:

— Set a timer that signals it’s time to move away from your phone.

— Install an app that blocks you from the internet for periods of time.

— Lay your silenced phone screen-side down so you won’t be distracted by alerts.

— Discipline yourself to connect to loved ones with your eyes! You’ll see clearly what matters most. 

— Out of sight, out of mind. Set aside parts of the house where the phone is not allowed; like the dinner table or the bedroom. 

— Put your phone in your purse or pocket while driving. According to the technology research firm CompareCamp, 26 percent of car accidents in the U.S. today are due to the use of smartphones while driving.

— Turn off your notifications. Addictions are often associated with dopamine which governs desire and spikes with environmental clues like beeps that say, “Look at me right now!”

Good luck to you on your quest for less phone/device time. If you can’t kick the habit, consider getting professional help.

Mershon Niesner is a Certified Life Coach and author of “Mom’s Gone, Now What? Ten Steps to Help Daughters Move Forward After Mother Loss” which is available on Amazon; also, locally at Sunshine Booksellers and Keep In Touch. For more information visit www.mershonniesner.com. Email your coaching questions to askcoachmershon@gmail.com. Your identity will be kept strictly confidential.