Understanding Those That are so Special

On occasion in this column, I speak to times in my life that I choose to openly discuss with you. They are experiences in my life that I share because I believe that many of you may have similar stories and may find some solace in my sharing a similar experience or life’s event. In this case, the day after Thanksgiving a pop-up note reminded me of the anniversary of the passing of a woman whom I had always thought of as a second mother.

You see, on November 26, 2018, one of the finest women have ever known slipped quietly away in her sleep at her home in Penacook, New Hampshire. I have been so fortunate to have had two such women in my life to help provide me with the foundation for being a better person. Those two would be own mom, Bernice Stefanides and my “back-up mother” Geraldine (Geri) Hoyt.

The two had a great deal in common. They both grew up in the Concord area during the Great Depression and knew the values attributed to that generation. Both would become nurses, and both married World War II Navy veterans. They would bring up their children in the small Village of Penacook where my dad and Geri’s husband would work in the small town they grew up in. 

My parents were married in 1949 and Geri and Weldon Hoyt were married in 1955. Both my mom and Geri would leave their careers in nursing to stay home and raise their children after being married, something which was commonplace during that time.

The connection I would have with Weldon and Geri grew out of her husband’s connection with the fire service and the local volunteer rescue squad. Weldon and I met early in 1970 when I joined that volunteer group. Although we had about 24 years of age between us, we quickly became friends. I saw him as a mentor and a man I could respect. Later that year I became a career firefighter in the Concord Department, further cementing that relationship, as he was a longtime volunteer with the department.

As the years would progress my career path would take a turn into the area of sales and marketing of emergency vehicles, one which I would stay in for almost forty years. Even after I moved to Florida in 1990, we would speak on a weekly basis. Prior to that I became a regular at their family gatherings, and on several occasions visited the family while on a motorcycle trip or on a business venture.

I spent a lot of evenings at their kitchen table. You see Geri made the very best brownies with nuts I’ve ever had. I only lived a couple of doors away and she’d always let me know that a fresh batch just came out of the oven. Politics would also be a topic of conversation as I served two terms as a Concord City Councilor and as a member of the State House of Representatives in New Hampshire.

I’m not sure that the political discussions were the real draw for the small “kitchen cabinet meetings” that would be held at the Hoyt’s or Geri’s chocolate chip cookies, but I wasn’t going to argue. Neither would the four or five trusted advisors that would attend.

Both Geri and my mother were stoic individuals who never complained. I saw it in my mom when my dad had been diagnosed with cancer in 1966 before it would take his life just before Thanksgiving in that year. The cancer and the treatments had left him paralyzed from the waist down. A tragedy for a man who had been so athletic during his short lifetime. He would pass at 45 years of age.

Never once did either of my parents complain regarding the almost year-long battle. She made the arrangements for him to be brought home from the hospital in January of 1966 for much of the time he had left after his surgery. He would re-enter the Veterans Hospital in Manchester in November of 1966 and pass a few days before Thanksgiving with my mother and I at his side.

It would be 23 years later that my sister, brother and I would stand by our mother’s side at the Concord Hospital as she slipped from us in October of 1989 after a relatively short battle from the same disease that took our father from us all too soon.

28 year later I would have the privilege to observe another woman do so much for the husband she loved due to a terrible ailment. Weldon had confronted a few other health issues during his life, but this was a battle which would take away the person whom I had so much respect and admiration for as he struggled with dementia. However, I was equally concerned regarding the strain it would place on Geri. Weldon’s struggle would end in May of 2017 as Geri and family surrounded him and said their goodbyes.

It would be on November 25, 2018, when that terrible call came regarding her passing. She would pass quietly, once again in the home she and Weldon raised their children and always welcomed me into over the years.

When I do travel to New Hampshire again I will drive slowly by that home on Winter Street, where the Hoyt’s brought up their family and opened their doors to me, as well as go by the home I grew up in on West Main Street. 

Just across the street from our old homestead is the cemetery where my parents, grandparents and younger brother Bill now lie, in addition to the Hoyt’s. A thankful son and friend will pay his respects to those that have played such an important part in his life’s journey. 

It is a shame that we have to grow older to understand the sacrifice and love that our parents extended to us. However, to have had the relationship I shared with these two special women was truly a gift which I will always be grateful for and cherish in my memories.