The Sweatshirt

As we slug along in life, we accumulate a lot of stuff. As long as there is a place to store it, we’ll worry about it later. The real problem is keeping things you think your children want. Or worse yet, leaving behind a mess for your children to take care of when you’re gone. When you think about the legacy you’re leaving, focus instead on creating memories now they can treasure, not the pile in the attic. No one wants your stuff and besides, St. Peter won’t let you drag it into heaven.

I don’t remember my McMahon grandparents hoarding a lot of junk - they traveled a lot over the years, so they carried a lighter load. My Grandmother Lawson, however, was definitely a hoarder. Her cellar and garage were packed full of stuff no one in their right mind would want or need. When she died the junk went directly into our cellar. What exactly were we going to do with Grandma Lawson’s old dresses and orthopedic shoes? Well, on rainy days we’d dress up in them like they were Roman Togas and have wooden sword fights in the cellar. (No cable TV then). Other items people leave behind are antiques and tea sets. We now drink coffee by the gallon, so who wants a four-ounce coffee cup with a saucer? 

We’re all guilty of stockpiling. Diane saved 27 plastic storage bins for the boy's stuff:  report cards, socks, trophies, books, hair locks, etc. One Father's Day weekend we made them all sort through their stuff since we were downsizing. They each kept one box against their will. Diane kept asking, “Are you sure you don’t want this?” Nope. In reality it was her memories being stored and not theirs. After our parents passed away, I’ve made it a point to shed my stuff and give it to people who need it more than me. If I haven’t worn a piece of clothing in a year, then it goes to charity. The trouble is my charity items often end up back in the closet. Diane will say, “That shirt looks so nice on you.” I don’t know how that could be, given the last time I put it on was when Bill Clinton was President. Out you go.

Because of my recent health challenges, Diane and I have spent considerable time updating our wills, cleaning up our records, and identifying important things (guns/jewelry). I think we’re unique - most people we know don’t even have wills after being married for decades. It’s been a healthy exercise which we probably wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t had so many health setbacks. Isn’t that ironic? We both don’t want to leave behind a mess for our children to manage or fight over. I’m personally not sure what they want of mine other than one item. I have a navy blue sweatshirt from Notre Dame that has yellow embroidered letters IRISH across the chest. I bought it at the bookstore in the late 80s and it’s my favorite piece of clothing. There is just something deeply comforting about it for whoever slips it on. The boys have constantly fought over it, so whenever it ends up missing now, I send out a warning note and it sheepishly returns. One time, David took a picture of himself and texted his brothers, “Look what Dad gave me!” It took less than a New York second for my phone to ring off the hook demanding explanations.

We’ve all seen and experienced families fighting over stuff left behind by our parents including sharp words and even lawsuits. When you’re on the outside looking in it all looks childish to the casual observer. The main reason for the battles is the lack of written instructions; families base ownership on unrecorded comments, references, and misunderstandings. With the referees out of the picture, it becomes difficult to decide what your parents really wanted. So, do you and your children some favors - set up a will, inventory the jewelry/guns/and expensive stuff and unload all that crap in the garage long before you scoot or become nutty. It's not that difficult; that's why God invented estate attorneys. Most important, spend more time with your children while you are able and less time toiling with your crap that they don’t want anyway. Unless it's that sweatshirt. Slainte.