The Surprise Werewolf

Even one who is pure of heart and says prayers at night may become a wolf when the wolf bane blooms, and the autumn moon is bright.

When Max was shopping at the big box store and read the spooky poem beneath a life-size werewolf that was standing beside a huge Frankenstein monster and the bare bones skeleton that was even higher than the other monsters, he was wishing he could be so lucky. The werewolf was loaded with hair and Max was very worried his hair was thinning. He was in fact certain; his forehead was getting bigger by the day.

After walking by the other Halloween decorations and a particularly sexy witch with an exciting figure and a full head of luxurious hair, he was reminded of the troubling image he saw every morning when he looked in the mirror. Without a doubt, the hair loss problem was getting worse.

At the checkout counter, Max had time to consider the colonial zombie from the Revolutionary War that an older man was buying. The zombie was dressed fresh out of the grave with a dusty coat, frilly French cuffs, a tricorn hat from the birthday of America, but even the zombie had a full head of hair. The older man who was buying the zombie was also troubling. He was easily a senior citizen but his hair was full and attractive. This man was a silver fox and the cute checkout girl was obviously flirting with him.

When it was his turn to stand before the judgment of the beautiful girl at the checkout counter, Max tried his most engaging smile and began a running commentary on the sensational Halloween decorations that were seemingly bigger and better than ever before.

After only a perfunctory glance at her latest patron, and without even the hint of romantic interest, Max fell into a chasm of despair. When he headed out to the parking lot, two other attractive women gave him absolutely no consideration and his spell of self-pity became anemic.

Max knew he was running out of time. He was already in his mid-thirties, and although his dating life when he first moved to Marco Island had been full of possibilities, he was now convinced his slump in the dating world was because his hairdresser was “challenged.”

On the road back to the island, the Rolling Stones came on the radio and began rocking out the classic, “I can’t get no satisfaction.” Before the song was over, Max knew it was time to take action and seek some results. He knew that young women often felt the tug of a biological clock, but as a single man approaching a certain age, with a bustling community of attractive women, it was indeed time to take serious action.

Of course, the Internet was full of advertising and answers, but just like the decorations and the stories from Halloween, most of the hair growth remedies were fiction and modern-day charlatans selling snake oil. However, Max was hopeful. After all, how could there be Halloween stories if there were not a grain of truth to the legends? Some of the many hair restorative remedies must also have a fraction of fact, just as the mysterious stories from Transylvania must have some spark of veracity.

When Max gained the entrance to his lonely home and looked out over the water and the lifestyle he wanted to share with someone, his decision to reverse his lack of self-esteem and hair loss would now take precedence over everything else. Max wanted a full head of hair and he wanted a girlfriend for Christmas.

After poring through most of the hair loss remedies and reviews for hormone growth stimulants and transplant surgeries, and even the possibility of toupees that wove into the existing hair, Max came across a website from Eastern Europe. This ad was different. This company was promising fast and almost instantaneous results with a new kind of treatment that came from a rare moonflower that only produced blossoms during the full moon. The company was so assertive that they were offering a money-back guarantee if not satisfied within the first month of the moonflower treatment.

The only disappointment came with the lengthy shipping process. Apparently, the laboratory that was the producer of the moonflower extract was located in a rugged mountainous region that was very remote. Another disappointing issue with the moonflower extract and the bewitching website was that this hair loss remedy was very expensive.

After two days of determined research, and without even the tiniest hint of commonsense trepidation, Max gave up his credit card information and ordered the “Ultimate Deluxe Dose” of the Eastern European moonflower potion.

On the day of delivery, Max was beyond excited. He was ready for something to happen. The directions and dosage on the bottle of the foul-smelling potion were specific. Max, however, was impatient. He quickly held his nose and gulped down double the dose.

The following day, the same disappointed face greeted him in the mirror. No new growth was apparent but he did have a sudden craving for rare roast beef.

After a week of the double doses, Max was beyond frustrated. Nothing was happening, although when he walked by a pet store window, all the kittens started hissing at him.

Finally, and with a full moon climbing up over the mangroves, Max downed a triple dose of the moonflower extract and went to bed. On the following morning, Max once again looked in the mirror. The results were shocking. Not only did he now have a full head of luxurious, thick hair but also his teeth had grown overnight and were protruding sharply over his lips.