The Premonition

March has always been a month of madness. Especially during spring break in almost any part of Florida. Madness comes in many forms and many ways. Many are mad because everything is so ridiculous, hectic, and surprisingly busy. Waiting in frustration and anger in a ridiculous line is something no one wants. Others still are driven past mad, and almost to the edge of madness - or perhaps beyond - because of the cumulative effects of blustery weather, the unruly behavior of children of all ages, and because of something that is not quite tangible, but non-the-less is a driving force that lies just below the horizon of conscious thought. A premonition is a forewarning. A superstition is a fallacy without proof. 

Any shipboard soothsayer will explain that March either comes in like a lamb or goes out like a lion. If the windy and stormy weather comes marching in at the first of the month, the end of March will be as balmy, calm, and unsurprising as an April Fool’s Day eve. If March slips in like a spy, this is certainly a premonition for the end of the month of madness 

During the Roman Republic, Julius Caesar fell to murder in the middle of March. Before his death, he might have seen a black cat crossing from left to right, or he might have been watching a cloud in the shape of a witch flying across the face of the moon. He might have been in the almost magical realm of twilight and on the edge of a cliff when he was startled awake and trying to remember the eerie calm that might have been a forewarning.

During the days before sails began turning to steam, the weather in March was always cause for concern. March has always been a month for mariners to take heed of any warning—no matter the source.

When the sailing captain of another era saw the spars and the masts of the old trading schooner glowing with St Elmo’s fire, he knew - deep down in his heart - a man of science could explain the phenomenon. His uneducated crew however, believed the purplish glow was the ghosts of lost sailors or the lingering life force of sunken ships, but even the most educated understood that tales from the offshore oceans are lessons no one can fully understand.

The schooner was older than the oldest in the crew, and the cook was the oldest of the ship’s company. The battered schooner had swum through a thousand storms and rode the crosswinds of March in the best and worst of the least favorite month on the sea, but a new creaking below deck was more than a worry for everyone aboard. 

The cook was a salty soothsayer and always a source of wisdom for anyone gathering near the galley. His belief was the new creaking in the timbers was a warning and a premonition for any who would stop and listen.

When the schooner was loaded with her cargo and ready to sail with the tide, the cook came to the captain and reminded him of the age-old traditions for safety at sea.

Never cast off and set sails on a Thursday. Thursday was “Thor’s Day” and a sailing day cursed with the storms of the Norsemen. Friday was also a day to remain in port because the crucifixion of Jesus was on a Friday. A beautiful woman brought bad luck at sea because she could make any ocean jealous and vengeful.

Whistling was bad luck, as it would whistle up too much wind. Redheads were a very bad omen as was waving goodbye to anyone onshore. Bananas brought terrible luck, and a hidden banana was a sure signal of danger hiding below the next horizon.

Spiders of any kind brought the worst of luck. This was because spiders were tiny witches who caught and nourished nightmares in the nets of their webs.

None of the crew were to have a fresh haircut, shave, bath, or grooming of any kind for fear of disturbing the delicate balance of nature. Whenever stepping aboard for any voyage, every crewmember knew only the righteous climbed aboard with the right foot first. This was because “Old Claw Foot Lucifer” often came aboard in disguise, and only the devil would step aboard with the left foot first.

Tattoos began to cross the seas when sailors would tattoo roosters and pigs to the bottom of their feet. Everyone afloat knew that symbols from land would offer rescue from a watery grave. This was because barnyard animals could direct floundering sailors toward the nearest shore.

The cook also reminded the captain of the aging and possibly damaged schooner that an offering of blood must fall upon the deck before casting off. Without a bloody start from an accident or a fight, any ship will be relentless in searching for a scarlet sacrifice.

When the creaking old ship was set to cast off and the captain, cook, and crew were ready, and the ship was to sail on a Saturday, without another signal of premonition, the owner of the schooner arrived on the docks with a last-minute passenger.

The passenger who was The Premonition was a beautiful and buxom redhead with an exciting figure. Her beauty was enough to command all the attention of the crew who were watching, and as she stepped aboard with her left foot first, her basket of bananas fell to the deck, and a spider jumped aboard and disappeared into the scuppers. Before the redheaded beauty could react to the horror of the crew and the spider on the run, she whistled like a man and waved goodbye to the ship’s owner, who was standing safely on the shore.