The Power of Regrets

Dear Regretful,

Regret expert and author, Daniel Pink writes, “The power of regret comes from looking backward, and forward (to opportunities). People should use regrets to their advantage by seeing them as a ‘reverse negative’ of the things they value most.”

“If only I'd done the work” = a value of stability

“If only I'd taken the risk” = a value of growth

“If only I'd done the right thing” = a value of goodness

“If only I'd reached out” = a value of love

Sound familiar? I think Mr. Pink has an interesting perspective around determining values. 

Here’s more from Pink. Using psychology research and data from both his American Regret Project and World Regret Survey, Pink discovered four core categories of human regret and included them in his book, The Power of Regret, How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward.

1. Foundation regrets - the regrets that rock our need for a level of stability like failure to be responsible, conscientious, or prudent. 

2. Boldness regrets - As we age, we often regret the chances we didn’t take more than the chances we did. Opportunities like travel, lost love, or career advancement/change. 

3. Moral regrets - These are low road decisions that we now painfully regret. Cheating, bullying, deceiving persons we care about. 

4. Connection regrets - Connection regrets arise when we neglect the people who have helped to establish our sense of wholeness. People who give/gave our lives purpose.  

According to experts, having regrets for those things you’ve done and not done is common. I’m not an expert on regret but, as a Life Coach, I’d suggest you take action in order to move past your regrets.

- Make the call or visit and settle your differences.

- Challenge yourself to complete your bucket list or try something you’ve been wanting to do but have been unwilling to take the chance. 

- Ask for forgiveness (from the person and/or from yourself and/or from God). 

Make a vow that the wrong will not be repeated. Jesus said, “You are forgiven, now go and sin no more.” If you’re not a religious person (or even if you are), you might want to talk to a counselor or a trusted person to whom you can confess. Then, let it go! Put the regret behind you and, as you state in your email, go live freely in the present.