The Power of Affirmations

Dear Coach, 

I’m a middle-aged woman who is still dealing with the negative messages I received as a child, teenager, and young wife. Growing up, I frequently heard, “You’re stupid, why are you so irresponsible? You never get it right! If only you were more like your sister.” 

Unfortunately, I married a man who gave me similar messages. We’re now divorced but before I consider starting over with a new relationship, I want to heal the wounds of the past and acknowledge who I really am - a confident, competent, professional woman who cares about others.  

That statement was easy to write but, believe me, it’s much more difficult for me to internalize and believe the message day to day.  

Any suggestions to help me move forward would be appreciated. 

Signed,
No More 

Dear No More, 

Dispelling the negative reinforcement you received as a child, the damaging words you recently heard from your ex-husband or from yourself, can be a life-long task. I applaud you for recognizing where you are and wanting to move forward. 

Taking responsibility for affirming yourself and quieting your Inner Critic, or what I call my Gremlin, can be one of the most important successfactors for your life. You have the power to overcome your past, stand up to the present, and create the future you desire. By affirming yourself and editing out negative voices, you can live the abundant and fulfilling life you desire.  

One way to start the turn-around from negative to positive is by regularly using affirmations. Years ago, I wrote the book Ribbons of Love, Affirmations for Abundant Living. In the book, I outlined guidelines for how to use affirmations.  

Like exercise, affirmations will only work if you use them consistently. The process may seem outdated but I’ve seen people (including myself) turn their lives around by changing what they say to themselves. Author, H. Jackson Brown Jr. wrote, “Your mind can only hold one thought at a time. Make it a positive and constructive one.” 

Seven Guidelines For Using Affirmations 

1. Always frame affirmations in the positive. When you write an affirmation, be certain that it clearly reflects what you want to attract or who you want to become.  

For instance, if your current challenge is acknowledging that you’re a responsible person, your affirmation might be, “I’m a mature, responsible person.” Or, to dispel the accusation you heard as a child about being stupid, you might say, “I’m a quick learner.” Or, “My intelligence is one of my superpowers.”  

2. Write your affirmation as if it is already so. Project into the future and use the present tense such as “I am” or “I have.” For example, although you may be overweight and less than healthy, projecting into the future will enable you to stretch toward your desired goal by affirming your future. “I have vibrant good health and I honor my body.” Your subconscious doesn’t distinguish between now and the future. Let it start working for you by stepping into the perspective you desire for yourself.  

3. Write from your emotions. Connect your affirmation to your feelings. For years I used the affirmation, “I attract good health, wealth, and love.” I even made a collage of photos representing each word and hung it on the back of my bedroom door so I could see it every morning and evening.  At the time, I had none of these things, now I have all three. Many factors contributed to my turnaround but I believe the affirmation set me on the right path  

4. Say your affirmations out loud. Say your chosen (you can find affirmations on the internet) or personally written affirmation out loud every day. Pick a time and place to say your affirmation at least once a day or whenever you feel the need for positive self-talk. Continue to say your affirmation until the good you are seeking is attained. 

5. Look at your affirmation. Post your affirmation where you can see it regularly. Consider posting it in multiple locations, such as your bathroom mirror or the visor in your car. Even if you don’t actively notice the connection, your brain is subliminally assimilating your message throughout the day whenever it is visible. An affirmation for this is, “I can do all things through the power of my subconscious mind.”  

6. Journal about your outcomes. Track results by writing them down in a journal or in the notes section of your phone. Be curious about which affirmations resonate with you, help you feel more powerful, and inspire you to take action.  

7. Affirm others. We all remember the one negative comment much longer than the multitude of positive remarks. Multiple affirming messages must be sent to a child to counteract the one terrible thing he or she heard on the playground or from an insensitive adult. Genuinely affirm others whenever the opportunity arises.  

Lao Tzu, a Chinese philosopher, once said, “How we think is how we act, how we act is how we live, and how we live is our destiny.” Your thoughts are the starting place for failure and success; joy and sorrow; contentment and anxiety.  

Use your affirmations to help you create the life you want. Imagine how it will be, speak as if it is so, then act in a way that affirms your thoughts. Using affirmations is one way to change the negative voice in your head. I also suggest you consider online or in-person therapy.