The Joy of Slowing Down

Dear Rushing, 

I get it! Endless to-do lists, the “pride” of having “too much to do,” the frenzy of “season” in Southwest Florida, and the urge to keep up with what we see our friends posting on social media. Not only is constant rushing stressful, but it can be downright physically dangerous as falls are frequently the result, especially for older adults.

When you notice you’re rushing, ask yourself, “Why am I in a hurry?” The question may facilitate a genuine pause that can be habit-forming (in a good way).

Notice that it’s not people with three jobs or those wrangling twins to preschool that tell you how busy they are. They’re just tired! 

Mostly, it’s people who have taken on activities voluntarily who tell you how busy they are. As a life coach, I was trained to ask the tough questions, so here goes: Are you busy because of your own ambition (or the ambition you have for your children)? Are you addicted to busyness or FMO (fear of missing out)? Do you feel anxious or guilty when you aren’t doing something “useful”? When we look inside, we often find the answers to our own questions.

I’ve noticed that busyness can also come in the form of rushing to respond to phone prompts. For some people, when their phone pings, they feel compelled to look then to read the message. Ninety-nine percent of the time it’s a useless bit of information and yet, it takes them away from what is happening in front of them right now, with a real person. There’s a simple solution for this. Turn off the alert.

Tim Kreider, the author of We Learn Nothing, writes, “Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets.” This may be a bit rash, but I get his point.

Kreider goes on to name some of the famous stories and discoveries throughout history that came from idle moments and dreams. “It almost makes you wonder whether loafers, goldbricks, and no-accounts aren’t responsible for more of the world’s great ideas, inventions, and masterpieces than the hardworking.” 

There’s even a condition known as Busy Life Syndrome. According to Glasgow Clinical Trials, the cause of this syndrome is a hectic life and sleep deprivation which leads to memory loss and lack of concentration. Treatment involves balanced activity, adequate rest, a healthy diet, recreational activity, and therapy. 

We know an excess of hurrying is serious but how can we move beyond the tendency to rush through life? Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP offers pointers to combat busyness. My favorite is: Remember, self-worth does not come from being busy. Come up with a mantra that expresses what self-worth truly means to you or reasons for self-love.

As I’ve often written in this column, it’s okay to say “no.” Clarke expands on this, “Sacrificing our well-being to overextend ourselves can have severe consequences in the long term.” 

Dr. John Delony, author of Building a Non-Anxious Life, makes the simple suggestion that we drive the speed limit. “Forcing yourself to drive the speed limit and experiencing slowness on a physical level will help you slow down mentally and emotionally.” 

He also suggests we practice silence. “For just one week, try spending all your time in the car in silence. No radio, podcast or music. That will definitely help calm your mind, and you may even decide to make it a permanent part of your commute.” Of course, if we’re not frequently in the car, we can set a time to be silent. 

Delony also suggests putting the cell phone away or setting it aside periodically during the day. “It’s time to take your life back and stop letting your phone own you. That’s a huge key to slowing down your mind.”

I hope you found something here to help you combat your busyness and reestablish a balanced life filled with enjoyable activities AND peaceful, quiet moments.