The Gift of Friendship

The other day I had the opportunity to share some time with an individual whom I have great respect and admiration for. That relationship has gone back at least three decades, and we share a great deal in common. On that day, we reminisced about a friend who recently passed away and will be missed by many.

Our conversation caused me to think about the subject I am writing about in my column today. Lately, my mind tends to think about the word “friend” or “friendship” more often, as these years seem to pass by more rapidly than they did in the past.

The dictionary defines friendship as a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy and trust between two people. 

I’m not sure that I really needed a dictionary to define the special relationship between two individuals. Most of us, as we grow older, understand the core values that we share with the people who we refer to as our friends. I guess it’s similar to someone trying to define art. “I know it when I see it.” Now you don’t actually “see” friendship, but it is represented in so many of the ways we interact with each other.

I have always viewed friendship as the greatest gift that one person can bestow upon another. It should never be trifled with, discounted out of hand, or minimized in value. You cannot place a value on it, yet it is priceless and irreplaceable. 

The lifestyles we live today are much different than those of our parents. Our lives are more complicated and filled with distractions, which sometimes do not allow us to focus clearly on the things that are important, such as family. It makes good friends all that more important during these stressful times, not only for support during difficult times, but to help celebrate life’s good times as well.

As such, recognizing the important traits of a good friend becomes more important, and even invaluable, in our lives. Some of the traits that provide you with a solid foundation for a lasting friendship include the following: dependability, trust, integrity, humor, loyalty, non-judgmental, compassion, confidence, independence, and the ability to not take themselves too seriously.

Our friendships go a long way towards increasing our sense of belonging and purpose in life, while boosting our happiness levels and reducing stress. Encouraging lifestyle changes that will help you enjoy a better quality of life will in turn boost your happiness level and outlook.

I’ve been fortunate to have established friendships during many stages of my life, as have many of you. Many friends from my early years have passed on and there is little contact left from that era. However, with those that I’ve maintained connections with, our friendships are stronger than ever. As I’ve grown in life, the relationships I’ve made have become more and more important to me, especially during the last 32 years I’ve lived fulltime on Marco Island.

Even the ancient philosopher Aristotle (and no, I never met him) had opined about friendship when he commented, “The best friendships should be based on appreciation of character, not on a transactional value, while shaping our lives for the better.” He added that those friendships are based upon respect, the appreciation for each other’s qualities and a strong will to aid and assist the other person because one recognizes their greatness.

I would almost think that Aristotle had met two wonderful friends of mine as he spoke about the importance of friendship and the great gift it is. I know I am appreciative of the gift those two have extended to me over the years I’ve been here and made their connection.

Charlie Alaimo, Sal Soldano and their wives Lourdes and Arleen certainly are reflective of what friendship is all about. Charlie was a veteran Newark Fire Captain and Sal an NYPD Police Officer. Both served their communities with great honor and distinction. They would only meet upon Charlie and his wife’s arrival to their new home on Marco Island.

After meeting at a social event, the two couples quickly formed a bond that created an unshakeable friendship, which has seen both families lean on each other during difficult times, as well as those of great joy.

I’ve had the pleasure to become friends with both of them. I served with Sal on committees and shared some of Charlie’s many stories about his service with the Newark Fire Department and the sale of apparatus to them over the years by the company I worked for. 

Charlie left us in May following a valiant health challenge, leaving us with an empty chair at the coffee shop, but with wonderful memories that no one can take from us.

I thank them both for that great gift of friendship they bestowed upon me; it will continue to be a gift I will always honor by doing my best in Charlie’s memory.