The Four Facets of Customers

I came to the ridiculous realization in my twisted mind that people are a lot like genuine and imitation gemstones. Anyone that knows me knows my non-professional and somewhat unfounded non-clinical opinions on human behavior can be a bit harsh. Many of my readers agree or deep down have to admit that today’s common courtesy among most of these twenty-first-century homo-sapiens has gone to Hades in a handbasket. While I don’t claim to be a perfect blue white diamond (If there is such a thing?), all I can say is I was once one, if I ever was, many years ago. Okay, that might be a stretch. I’m at least a precious gemstone that’s become a little rough around the edges sustaining a few scratched facets.

You have all heard the term, “Oh, he’s a gem!” or, as I mentioned earlier, “she’s a bit rough around the edges!” Or “he’s a bit dull!” “She’s a diamond in the rough!” “He is absolutely brilliant!” “She’s a multi-faceted person!”       

 So what am I getting at? We (as in normal people I mean) all have to agree, just like a precious stone, that nobody is perfect except around the 10% of the population who believe they are, and we know that kind is certifiable. I talk about These, Them and Those kinds of people all the time. 

The way I figured it 10% are fancy-colored diamonds, 40% of my clientele are in the precious gem category, the other 30% semi-precious, leaving the remaining 20 % as rhinestones.*

I know what some of you are thinking: “Oh! The audacity of this person!” Yes, I am! When you finish reading, you could even consider me as overly audacious, even a bit cheeky. My only excuse is being in the jewelry business and dealing with the public since the late 1960’s, I figured I not only paid my dues but also earned an informal degree and learned a thing or two about human nature or the lack of it, especially when a great deal of money or their precious jewelry is in the equation.

So here is my legal disclaimer; I’m hoping the readers find this article is all in jest; names have not been provided to protect the not-so-innocent. If you find this story insulting… oh well! I’m at the point in my life where the little insignificant things in life that used to bother me no longer matter one iota to me. I’m a few years closer to retirement, and soon I’ll be sitting on the front porch of my farmhouse in a rocking chair, yelling at squirrels, scaring birds at my bird feeder, and complaining to my wife why the night insects are so loud. So in closing, I couldn’t care less what people think about my opinions or what I write about. Getting older disgracefully and dealing with the public for over a half-century will do that to you, and I am the finished product of all that.

(Years ago, I wrote a column comparing people’s personalities to the kind of watches they wore. I got a lot of laughs, some questionable comments and bent a few noses out of joint too.)  

Now I can commence with my odd-angled analogy comparing people with gemstones. Let’s begin with the bottom category, what I would call the Rhinestones (also known as cheap foil backs). This category of folks, though well-to-do, are painfully cheap, non-trusting and not-so-regular paying customers who have convinced themselves that they are elite regular paying customers. No matter what their jewelry or watch problem is… Rhinestones always insist on seeing me “personally.” No one else will do. They never leave the repair when I’m out of the shop or away on buying trips, and complain about my absence (They always tell me I take too many vacations. According to Rhinestones, I’m supposed to begin my travels when I’m much older and decrepit while strapped to a tandem wheelchair complete with his and her matching oxygen bottles). Once encountered, I must drop anything I’m doing because, in their mind, it’s always a simple matter that I can do for them right then and there, and I should never charge them because they are a regular paying customer. They are also the only ones that complain about a minimal charge. I have had Rhinestones complain when I did the service for free. They always bring in hopelessly worthless, worn out or broken costume jewelry on the busiest days of the year, such as Christmas Eve and Valentine’s Day, and expect me to breathe life back into it, for… you guessed it… next to nothing (Ask any jeweler - costume jewelry is way more difficult and time-consuming to work on than fine gold jewelry). If a Rhinestone customer actually buys something of worth, the long, drawn out process of ringing up the sale is enough to drive you to drink. I can remember one of my sales ladies spending over two hours on the purchase of a simple $29 silver chain (My saleslady was a teetotaler before this exchange; speaking for myself, the Rhinestones drove me to drink decades ago!). When Ms. Rhinestone finally made a decision to purchase, she then told her to put it on hold and she would let her know about the purchase tomorrow after she discussed it with her husband. When she left, I put the chain back in stock. Rhinestones enjoy the long and excruciating drawn-out process, always giving the salesperson a glimmer of hope they may actually purchase something. The fact is they never ever come back to purchase anything. If by some long shot they finally relent and open the squeaky rusty hinges of their purses, Rhinestones then ask when it will go on sale or offer a ridiculous price much lower than the ticket price and start the sales process all over again. They adamantly refuse to pay sales tax, even though they know it’s illegal. Hey, I don’t charge you 7% extra, I only collect it for the wonderful state of Florida. Any of my employees who sells anything to a Rhinestone gets the employee parking space of the month, an hour therapy session or a bottle of Prosecco! Rhinestones also bring in their own batteries (always the wrong ones, of course) and expect you to change the battery for free because they don’t have the tools or worse, the watch is in numerous pieces in a sandwich bag because they attempted to change their own battery and now expect you to put the dissected watch back together and change the battery for no charge. Nowadays, when I recognize a Rhinestone entering my shop, I will cringe, try to hide or tell the staff to tell them I’m not in. Rhinestones always buy really crummy jewelry online and bring it in and waste my time expecting I’ll tell them what a great deal they got, when they did not in any way, shape or form get their money’s worth. I could go on and fill the remaining pages of this paper with innumerous Rhinestone experiences but digging up these old memories are ulcer-causing. I once considered installing a punching bag in the back room. Please don’t be a Rhinestone!  

Next up: the Semi-Precious. As a whole, I love the Semi-Precious (SP). They are the core of the jewelry business. There is never a dull moment, and I admit some must be taken with a grain of salt, others the shot of tequila that goes with it. They love jewelry and many are regulars who buy gifts for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, birthdays or anniversaries… or some can be distrusting newbie’s or first-time walk-ins. In season they expect immediate service and are usually satisfied to the best of my ability - many understand it’s a tough time of the year and there are those who cannot be satisfied immediately and will let it be known. The Semi-Precious almost always ask for discounts on articles of jewelry that are not in stock and that have to be ordered because no matter how much jewelry I have on display or in stock it’s always the wrong color, size or shape. Many SPs request pieces of jewelry that were passé decades ago and are next to impossible to locate today. When by some miracle you eventually locate one, it is now too expensive or they don’t recall they ever requested it. The Semi-Precious occasionally bring in costume jewelry that is “sentimental,” and I will make an effort to repair it for them. SPs are sometimes procrastinating buyers and will look at a piece of jewelry more than a few times and tell you how much they love it, tell me they are seriously interested but rarely pull the trigger, or leave a deposit. SPs are always extremely disappointed when someone else buys it before they have decided they really wanted it, and when you tell them another can be ordered, they all of a sudden have no interest in it. SPs also have a thing about paying sales tax. All and all, they are the bulk of my clientele and the ones I usually lose sleep over.

Next, I have the Precious Gemstones; we are talking folks who really love fine jewelry. They don’t own a single piece of costume jewelry; even if they inherited some, they would throw it away. They never even look at sterling silver and always want to know what I created or brought in that is new and exciting. They love everything in diamonds, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds besides other unusual gemstones like aquamarine and tanzanite and they rarely haggle about the price because they don’t have to. Most of my Precious Gemstone (PG) clients have V.I.P. cards and get a lifetime substantial discount on anything in the shop. SPs are the reason I get out of bed every morning and didn’t retire five years ago like I should have. They are like a ray of sunshine when they enter the shop (that can be at least four or five times a month.) PGs are easy going people and fun to discuss my travels and do business with; they are connoisseurs when it comes to fine jewelry. They also appreciate the finer things and know the difference between fine and not-so-fine jewelry. PGs never ask their significant others if they can purchase something expensive even when they are told no - they buy it for themselves anyway. Most are lifelong customers and always recommend friends and relatives.      

Least but not last are the Fancy Color Diamonds. This is the crème de la crème of my customers. If Fancy Color Diamonds (FCD) were 50% of my business and not the smallest percentage of my clients, I would have retired 25 years ago, languishing on my yacht at my estate on a private Caribbean island. That was not to be because the FCDs are a very small percentage and a rare breed. The word “costume jewelry” is not even in their vocabulary. They shop with me maybe once or twice a year, money is no object, and price is rarely discussed until the black metal credit card is presented (And questioning a sales tax charge is never an issue). FCDs always purchase the most expensive piece(s) in the shop and the process of the sale is joyful, immediate and flawless. What is even better is that the ring, pendant or bracelet always fits perfectly. If there is a jewelry store in heaven, my Fancy Color Diamond People will be its customers.

*Note to current customers… If I am asked what category you fall into, my answer will always be Precious Gemstone or Fancy Color Diamond.