The difference between Relaxed and Stupid

Seasonal patterns encompass much more than weather. By late February, many New Year’s resolutions begin to wear thin. The hope for a fresh start and the wish to abandon the ordinary are always inspiring, but before March can claim the calendar, it should be no surprise when tempers flare and promises can turn a New Year’s resolution into a his-and-hers revolution.

When Jenny and Greg were first married, everything was exciting. They had a big wedding with family and friends and a honeymoon to Florida, where they fell even more deeply into love. The winter honeymoon was idyllic. The marriage could not have gotten off to a better start, but by the following year at Christmastime, the newlyweds were craving another honeymoon.

The wonderful weather of southwest Florida was not easy to forget, and after gray skies and seemingly endless drizzle began to change into ice and power outages, the couple who were longing for another honeymoon began to consider a move to Florida.

Packing up and leaving a lifetime of friends, neighbors, and family was not an easy decision, but after studying lessons from other Florida pioneers, the idea of jumping into a big, heated pool and swimming toward a new lifestyle did have appeal—especially with ice on the driveway.

Although the newlyweds were deeply in love, they did have different personalities. After all, as Jenny crossed her arms and peeked over her glasses, she realized that opposites did attract! She then began to explain the statistics and folklore on relocating to Florida.

With Greg listening halfheartedly as the wind moaned under the eaves and sleet pecked at the windows, he was almost ready to consider his wife’s overly scrutinized and hyperactive technical data about individuals who moved away from home.

With her husband attentive—because he was learning that he had better be—Jenny began to read from the screen on her phone. This was because Greg could never find his phone or his keys after he came home.

“According to Google,” Jenny lectured, “About 40 % of Americans never leave their hometowns, and only 20 % of Americans move more than a hundred miles away from where they were born. This means when we move to Florida and meet other people who also moved to vacationland, we should have a lot in common with our neighbors.”

When Jenny finished reading, she looked up from her screen and frowned. Greg was doing that dopy thing—where he was pretending to listen but was glancing out at the snow and really thinking about something else.

After a pause, Jenny cleared her throat before she went back to her screen because that always seemed to get him to focus. “Florida folklore says that if you get sand in your shoes you can never get it out.” Jenny again peeked over her glasses just to check, but once again, Greg had that dreamy look somewhere between relaxed and stupid.

After he smiled—like the little kid with this hand in the cookie jar, Jenny continued patiently, “The ‘sand in the shoes’ means that if a person moves to Florida and stays for five years they will stay forever, but if they don’t stay for five years, they go back to their hometowns.”

When Jenny finished, Greg turned away from the frosty window and the snow that was coming down in the streetlights. “I think we should move.”

The newlyweds arrived in Southwest Florida just in time for spring break. They both found jobs easily, but the traffic was crazy, and the grocery stores were like an experiment in a laboratory where only the most aggressive survive. The beaches were like a movie with a cast of thousands and where people watching was a sport.

By summer, the oppressive heat and humidity were pushing Jenny and Greg into the scene of another movie where a steaming jungle took over a deserted town and hurricanes were monsters waiting to attack when no one was watching.

Then came October, Thanksgiving, and Christmastime, and Jenny and Greg were still holding on tight, but trying not to think about Santa Claus, Jingle Bells, and Christmas lights glowing under the snow.

By the end of the first year in Florida, Jenny and Greg were homesick and ready for New Year’s resolutions. After the New Year came and Valentine’s Day passed, the not-so-newlyweds began wondering about everything they promised each other for the New Year.

Greg knew that Jenny’s New Year’s resolution and promise to be more understanding, patient, and forgiving, and to limit her screen time on her phone, was about as likely to happen as a quiet ride in the car when they were together.

Jenny knew that Greg had trouble focusing. His head for the New Year’s resolutions was in the clouds. He constantly needed direction and reminding because he always forgot everything! One of the best times to give him direction was when they were driving in the car. Most of the time, the car rides were not long enough to explain what Greg really needed to hear.

When the car rides were over, Greg was in tatters and Jenny exhausted. When they were watching a movie and having popcorn, Jenny ate like a civilized person. One kernel at a time. Whereas Greg could not get enough popcorn fast enough and was always stuffing in giant handfuls as he munched too loudly.

During the movie, Jenny would not really watch as she picked at her popcorn, because she was always searching the internet and trying to learn what good husbands do when they are truly focusing and not understanding the difference between looking relaxed and looking stupid!