The Big Bingo

Millie hated almost everything. She especially hated anyone who was cheerful and bursting with happiness. Upon reflection, Millie would describe herself as a realist. She was a no-nonsense person who did not believe in anything she could not see in her bank account. Facts and figures were her favorite distractions, and she despised anyone who did not share her blunt views of reality. Comedy for Millie was a waste of time. At Christmastime, however, she would allow herself a smirk when the original Grinch came on television and was determined to stop the happiness of the animated children.

Millie was a strict advocate of law and order and a steadfast whistleblower. If any neighbor in her community rolled out their trash bins too early or collected them too late, Mille was on the non-emergency number to the police. If anyone within range of Millie’s acute perception decided to have a party and enough cars to clog a sidewalk, Millie was on the phone to target any offender within the range of her surveillance.

Millie detested crowds and social obligations. She preferred isolation and vengeful contemplation, but as she began to consider daily, all the surrounding wealth in her neighborhood, she was overwhelmed with anger. Money was the most important force in her life, and she was always disgusted with anyone who had more money than she did.

The idea of crowds and gatherings did fill Millie with disgust, but she had to admit she did enjoy a good funeral. Funerals were exercises in reality. People were somber at funerals, and even the children were under control. The food after a funeral was mostly good, and so were the free drinks. Funerals were also great for gleaning gossip, and as Millie munched hors d’oeuvres and scrutinized the liquor, she would bounce from one solemn group to the other to learn what was juicy in the local community.

During a recent summer funeral that was perfect because of the drizzling rain, Millie overheard a group of mourners who were suppressing giggles, whispers, and huddled conversation.

When Millie approached with her little black dress and her ears wide open, the gossiping group suddenly ensnared her with curious conversation. The small stand of grievers was not talking about the deceased or the extravagant funeral. The tight little huddle was talking excitedly about The Big Bingo.

As Millie listened carefully, her interest sparked, kindled, and then burst into flames with the implications of what the next Big Bingo could bring to her.

Apparently, The Big Bingo was once a month and the prize for the final game of the night was huge! Over a hundred people played and although the first nine games gave away simple gift cards, the last Bingo winner of the evening would win big!

With all of her emotional feathers ruffled in just the right places, Millie leaned in, sipped the top-shelf funeral bourbon, and asked sweetly, “Could I play? When and where is the next event, and how much does it cost to play?”

With another sip of bourbon to cover her shock, Millie learned that the payoff was big but the rules were strict. Every player must play all ten games, and for each game, each player must pay one hundred dollars. Although the entry fee was pricey, the big winner could walk away with $100,000 cash if there were a hundred players and, as the mourners explained, there were always over a hundred players.

As Millie drove home, her mind was reeling. This was illegal gambling pure and simple! This was her chance to blow the whistle and sting a huge operation in a local community. A hundred thousand dollars prize money was crazy, but when all the party people were under arrest, a reward might be waiting for the whistleblower on a secret gambling operation.

After hiding a camera and recording device in her purse, Millie drove into the rapidly filling parking lot and walked into the warehouse and makeshift bingo hall. Outside, the industrial facility was dark, but inside the lights were bright and the open floor had enough folding tables and chairs to host a town meeting.

After waiting her turn in line, Millie reluctantly shelled out one thousand dollars for her ten bingo cards. Earlier, she recorded the serial numbers on her hundred-dollar bills, as she knew she would get her money back after the police arrived.

Millie had to admit, The Big Bingo was not only well attended it was well organized. On a raised dais was a turning cage with bingo balls, an announcer with a microphone, and three large men in business suits.

All the tables were full and Millie was unpleasantly surprised when one of the mourners from the funeral sat down beside her. The first nine games were uneventful, but the winners of the gift cards did receive a robust applause after each game. When the final and big money game began, the mood under the lights in the warehouse was intense. The tension was even worse for Millie as she was expecting the police – whom she spoke with earlier - to arrive at any minute.

The last game was “Blackout” or “Cover the Card,” and as Millie began to fidget in her folding chair, The Big Bingo numbers came out of the cage slowly. After a painstaking few minutes, it became clear to Millie and her new funeral friend, who was watching and sitting next to her, that almost every number that the announcer was calling was covering her card. When at last Millie’s card was full - before anyone else - and her new funeral friend was screaming “Bingo!” the police arrived in force only after the three big guys in business suits dropped a hundred grand in cash in front of Millie and her “Blacked Out Big Bingo.”