The Bickersons

Ray and Silvia met when they both worked at the same hotel. Ray worked in engineering and Silvia in the restaurants. One busy day when a drain clogged, and the industrial dishwashing machine exploded with enough foaming suds and bubbles to rise up and cover half of the kitchen, Ray waded through treacherous and waist-high bubbling foam and saw Silvia as she was single-handedly trying to block the front opening on the dishwasher.

Although the couple had often seen each other in the employee cafeteria, it was never face-to-face, and it was never when a new couple was suddenly awash in towering soapsuds and foaming bubbles and trying to pretend it was not love at first sight.

Ray was tall and handsome with a pouty but determined look that drove Silvia crazy. Silvia was dark and feisty. She was a timeless and captivating Mediterranean beauty with an exciting figure. When Ray first saw Silvia emerge from the foaming bubbles with her dark eyes flashing, he knew at once that she would always drive him crazy.

After an awkward first few minutes on the first date, Silvia began to scrutinize the server at a restaurant Ray picked for the evening. When Silvia learned it was the girl’s first night in the restaurant business, the next twenty minutes of the date were high hijacked as Silvia sat the server down, reversed the roles, and taught the girl how to wait tables.

Meanwhile, Ray was patient and quietly sat and watched the flashing eyes and the ever-ready laugh that came from nowhere. After Silvia came back from meeting everyone in the kitchen and sat down with a grin, Ray’s heart twisted, and he knew he could never live without her.

Six months later, Ray and Silvia were married. After the big ceremony at the beachfront hotel where they worked, a carefully planned honeymoon was waiting at an alpine resort atop the snow-capped Rocky Mountains. The chalet-style hotel was great, and so was the honeymoon, where Ray explained to Silvia that she was wrong about the habits of timber wolves living in the mountains.

Thirty-five years later, Ray and Silvia live in the little house on the tropical island where they were married, and they still drive each other crazy. Although now, they often bicker and disagree about more than the habits of timber wolves in the Rocky Mountains. Now when they argue they become The Bickersons.

After Silvia brings home the groceries, her dark eyes flash when Ray decides to help and spills a box of blueberries all over the floor. When Ray comes home from work and five Amazon boxes are waiting by the front door, his pouty but determined look prompts Silvia’s dark eyes to flash until she explains that Bargain Day online is cheaper than going to the store.

For the yearly vacation, Ray and Silvia like to relive the honeymoon. They love to visit the old chalet and revisit the argument about the habits of timber wolves living in the snowcaps of the Rocky Mountains.

For the most recent summer vacation, the bickering and The Bickersons started having trouble almost before the annual honeymoon began. Silvia and Ray were both irritable because they left the house late. Ray thought this was because Silvia booked the very early flight because it was the cheapest. Silvia thought Ray was an idiot because he forgot to pack his blood pressure medicine.

When The Bickersons finally arrived at the airport, and the improvement lectures to each other were finished, the fight was boarding and The Bickersons had to rush through security.

Silvia’s eyes flashed when the TSA guard stopped Ray for having his fingernail clippers in his pocket, and Ray gave Silvia the pout when she had to throw away her bottle of hand sanitizer because it was too big.

Just before the boarding gate, Silvia announced she needed to use the ladies’ room. With only a few passengers still in line, one of the airline attendants motioned Ray forward and ahead of another group. When Silvia returned in a rush, her eyes flashed, and she loudly wanted to know why Ray had so rudely jumped in front of the other passengers. With the gate attendant motioning everyone forward, Silvia looked around and explained to everyone who was watching. “Please forgive my husband because he was raised by timber wolves in the Rocky Mountains.”

Thankfully, for everyone aboard, the flight to the mountains went smoothly, but upon arrival at the chalet, Ray did not tip the Uber driver enough - and he could not help but wince - when the dark eyes flashed, and Silvia gave the driver more cash.

After The Bickersons arrived in their room overlooking the beautiful snow-capped mountains, Silvia picked up the TV remote and a new bottle of hand sanitizer - a large bottle that she had bought upon arriving at the chalet - with a price that made Ray pout. Silvia then explained that she knew the most unhygienic item in any hotel room was the TV remote. She then began to bathe the electronic device with enough hand sanitizer to cure the black plague. When Silvia was satisfied, the remote was dripping in clear goo, but when Ray, a few minutes later, decided to check the local TV news and weather, the remote was clean but very soggy and would no longer work. This was when Ray gave Silvia another pout, and she gave him another flash of the eyes.

At the end of the day, after a hotel engineer brought a new remote, and the sun was setting over the romantic snow-capped peaks of the Rocky Mountains, Ray explained again to his wife of 35 years that she might be wrong about the timber wolves, but not about who she had chosen for a husband. After another flash of her eyes, Silvia agreed.