Teen Stress and Social Media

Dear Coach,

I’m a stressed out sixteen-year-old girl who’s looking for some advice. Of course, last school year was pretty stressful for everyone. I don’t think the circumstances of the pandemic are the cause of my stress because this summer I’m still feeling stressed even though my life has returned to normal. 

Lately, I’ve been spending more time on social media and I’m wondering if there could be a connection.

Any ideas about this would be welcome.

Signed,

A Stressed Teen

Dear Stressed,

As a Life Coach, I find that people often know the answers to their dilemmas, they just don’t recognize that they do. Since you mention social media in your email, perhaps that’s the key to unlocking your feelings of stress. 

Is it possible that the stress you’re feeling is actually envy? Kristin Neff, PhD, co-author of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook writes, “Envy is an unconscious defense mechanism against a threat to our self-esteem.”

Since, according to Dr. Neff, envy is unconscious, it can be difficult to detect. “Envy frequently masquerades as stress, sadness, anger, jealousy, or resentment.” Notice that Dr. Neff writes that envy can masquerade as stress. Social media is a fertile breeding ground for envy which, if left unchecked, can be a destructive force. You’re wise to consider its implications.

In case you’re wondering, according to the experts, envy is different from jealously. Jealousy typically involves a fear that someone will take something from us, while envy is coveting something that belongs to someone else.

If you think your stress is actually envy, here are a few tips to help you keep envy from stealing your joy.

—Name the feeling. Unmask envy and call it what it is. When you can name it, you can tame it. Dig under the stressful feelings to see if envy is hiding there.

—Stop comparing. Whether you’re feeling bad about yourself, or good about yourself at someone else’s expense, you need to learn that your worthiness comes from being you. 

—Envy comes from the desire to be loved. Learn to show compassion to yourself. Delight in who you are and what you’ve accomplished rather than what remains to be done.

As you work on this notion of envy versus stress, here are some coaching questions to consider: What causes you to feel envious? What will you do to move away from a mentality of scarcity into one of abundance, and rejoice with the joys of others knowing that joy is possible for you, too? How will limiting your time on social media help with your feelings of envy and/or stress? Is it worth it?

I hope you will uncover your true feelings so you can learn to cope with them and have a terrific summer.

Mershon Niesner, Author

Book:  Mom’s Gone, Now What

Blog:  www.motherloss.blog

Website: www.mershonniesner.com

Twitter: @MershonN

Instagram: mershonniesner/