Taming the Inner Gremlin

Dear OK,

Love the signature! Stating that you’re OK is a great step toward being OK. In your email you also used the word “affirm” which I believe is another way to move past the negative messages received in our youth and nurture ourselves into positive thinking adults. 

According to Iben Dissing Sandahl, a Danish licensed psychotherapist, family counselor, teacher and author, you’re on the right track. She writes, “The language we use is extremely powerful. It is the frame through which we perceive and describe ourselves and our picture of the world.”

I heartily agree with Sandahl. I believe that dispelling the negative reinforcement you received as a child and the damaging words you are currently receiving from others or from yourself can be a life-long task. However, taking the responsibility of affirming yourself and quieting your Inner Critic, or what I call my Gremlin, can be one of the most important success factors for your life. 

Lisa Coyne, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, and author writes, “People do not hear voices, per se, but we do notice critical thoughts popping up as we go through our days.” Dr. Coyne goes on to explain how this is a good thing in the case of danger but sometimes it goes too far.

“We have evolved to experience our thoughts as literal truths. It’s what allows us to learn indirectly by listening to what other people say, rather than only directly through our own experience. Our inner voice is always on, and it’s over-inclusive in its estimation of what is threatening. These are features, not bugs, of our critical voice. It wouldn’t be a great threat detector if you could turn it off at will, and it wouldn’t be a great threat detector if it somehow underestimated threats, right?”

So what do we do? Coyne emphasizes the importance of being out in the world and noticing that sometimes the inner voice is incorrect in what it’s telling us.

My experience and the experience of some of my coaching clients is that we can learn how to tame the Gremlin i.e. the negative inner voice. You’ll never slay the Gremlin because, as Coyne says, he’s there for a reason. However, you can learn how to discern which negative thoughts are true or not, overcome all-or-nothing thinking, stop discounting the positive, and stop labeling yourself as your mother did (stupid, irresponsible, etc.).  

Tell yourself that you have the power to overcome your past, stand up to the present, and create the future you desire. By affirming yourself and editing out negative voices, you can live the abundant, positive life you desire.