Socialization and Brain Health

This month’s column is focused on the positive impact proper socialization can have on the brain and behavior. Socialization is one of the five pillars of my Brain Health Lifestyle®. So far, we have reviewed physical activity, mental stimulation, spirituality, and now socialization (see illustration of Brain Health Lifestyle®).

Human beings are a gregarious species hard-wired for relationships, for being together, and for developing deep and personally meaningful interaction. Whether this be with family and/or friends, our need to be social has been part of our DNA since the beginning of time.

Research is both robust and consistent in finding that developing and maintaining close and meaningful relations with others leads to both happiness and longevity. Indeed, our ability to foster such interaction is perhaps the most important factor for happiness and longevity.

An underlying and foundational principle to why socialization and relationships are so important is the idea of “connection.” A neurobiological truth is we need to be connected with others in tangible ways, both physical and emotional. This begins when we are in the womb bonding with mother and carries forward our entire lives. Even our relationship with God, as discussed in last month’s article on Spirituality and Brain Health, is also about connection.

Connection breeds identity, emotional and psychological health, security, esteem, care and compassion, and love. Our entire physiology changes for the better when we are connected and suffers when we isolate. There is perhaps no greater medicine to one in need than an extension and grasp of your hand, a hug, or a simple statement that “you are not alone, I am with you.”

An obvious concern for our ability to connect is technology and our dependence, if not addiction, to it. Technology in the form of a computer or mobile phone now sits in between two or more people and serves as the instrument of connection. Technology has de-personalized the foundational and neurobiological need of humans to bond physically and emotionally. Such interaction is meant to be in person with literal connection into the eyes and with a physical presence. It is logical to consider and be concerned that with such a heavy emphasis on the use of technology to relate and communicate, we have also seen an increase in mental illness, detachment, and loneliness. It is perhaps the great paradox of our times that technology was supposed to bring us together and instead has possibly separated us and ushered in an artificial mode of validation and identity. An argument can be made we have become emotionally detached behind the screens of technology!

Unfortunately, loneliness, defined as a feeling of emotional isolation regardless of being with people, is a global problem reaching epidemic levels. More striking, the United States leads advanced nations in the percentage (35%-50%) who report feeling lonely. This is true for both the young and older individual and the negative health outcomes caused by or related to loneliness are described as equal to that of smoking. I always teach clinicians and staff working in admissions across all parts of our health care system to ask new patients or residents if they are lonely. The same should be asked of all your family members, despite the awkwardness of the question, as you might save a life or at least increase the quality of that life!

Connection and meaningful relationships are often categorized within a construct known as “socialization.” Socialization has been studied for many years with clear and consistent findings that your longevity, quality of life, mental health, and brain health are all improved the more social you are. Isolation and segregation not only lead to negative health outcomes but also increase the risk of dementia since an isolated brain will atrophy (not be nurtured). That is why it is so important we encourage our loved ones to stay involved and to not withdraw.

Leonardo DaVinci stated, “Realize that everything connects to everything else.”

One interesting and important point about socialization is that social interaction alone does not build personal meaning or boost health. This gets us back to “connection” on an emotional and psychological level. We can all find people who are the most social beings in the room, “the life of the party,” yet he or she has not developed adequate personally meaningful relationships; there is no connection. Often, someone who appears highly social because of the quantity of interactions is alone emotionally, if not lonely, because there is no quality to the interactions, no personal connection.

The effort required to build and maintain close family and friendship networks is well worth it. It is also true that such work can be difficult at times, if not irritating. You may find that you want to simply walk away and give up. I will encourage you to keep working to nurture the relationship(s) and to grow them. Often in life, the greatest benefits come from those things that are most difficult.

I regularly comment that one of the hardest things in my profession is to ease the tension that can exist in relationships, particularly family dynamics that so often, unfortunately, cause stress, anger, and avoidance. It seems too easy sometimes to get dug in on what might seem to be highly significant affronts to our esteem and dignity. This can lead to a shutting down and fracture of the relationship that counters our natural DNA to be close and loving. We are no longer connected to someone we are connected to by biology. Our health suffers and memories are faded and new experiences made impossible. We can find ourselves challenged to reintroduce the commitment to relating and to building that connection. The difficult and hard work for relational renewal can be life-changing and cathartic, well worth the effort.

I have had the pleasure of interacting and working with thousands of older adults in my career. Perhaps the most common advice they offer when describing the secrets to a long and healthy life is one word: family. For some, that means biological relatives and for others, perhaps a community or network of friends. Once again, however, the emphasis is on relationships and connection. Our siblings, our parents, and our children are primary building blocks to personal meaning and represent those matters in life that truly are most important. A marriage is also a primary relationship that can promote longevity and health, so long as we work to keep such relationships positive and loving.

Some practical ideas for meaningful interaction and relationship building include joining church groups, volunteering for missions that are meaningful to you, helping the less fortunate, participating in men’s or women’s groups, and recreating in organized or non-organized sports. Some join lifelong learning groups or take the initiative to learn new skills such as painting, dance, or cooking with others. There are many ways to combine mental stimulating- “the novel and complex”-with socializing and relationship building. It takes initiative and perhaps overcoming some resistance, but the effects can be health promotion!

Intergenerational activities can be a wonderful way to share experiences, have fun, develop new and lasting relationships, and feel good about the positive interplay. The variety of topics and activities that the different generations can provide to one another is not only interesting and enriching but can provide joy as well.

While it is true everyone can benefit at times from being alone and to restore, perhaps immersed in quiet or the beauty that nature can provide, we humans need one another. It is a human condition that we cannot escape. Work each day to nurture the bonds established with friends and family. Work also to develop new relationships, expanding the network of those who you can call close, where personal meaning evolves. The connections of life are not finite; they are countless and available. Your reward will be great. We are not alone and we do not want anyone to be lonely.

Herman Melville offered, “We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow beings; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.”

Your Takeaways:

• Give yourself an honest rating of the quality of your personally meaningful relationships. Are you emotionally connected? If so, keep going strong and if not, make some strategic changes to connect with others in a deeper and personally meaningful way.
• Ask those in your family and friend circles if they are feeling lonely. If they are, spend some time with them and create a plan to enrich the quality of their emotional connectivity.
• Can you review your options and select one or two activities or groups to connect with others in a personally relevant way?
• Reach out to the friend or family member to rekindle a fading relationship and use forgiveness, compassion, humility, and a strong “I am sorry” to boost your own health.
• Build your existing network of personally meaningful relationships to strengthen your health and longevity.
• Power down and put the phone out of reach for several hours each day. Use the time to connect in person with others and build your network of relationships.