Social Media Misfits

Some call it progress; the trendy modern way to compliment or condemn a business for the world to see from personal experiences. I call it horse manure, I’m sure I’ll catch some wrath for this article, so be it!

While I sit on my high horse, I’ll explain in detail… It’s the not so recent phenomenon all businesses that have contact with the public have to deal with… “Death by Social Media”.

It’s bad enough you have to deal with these folks who are impossible right off the bat; they ask for services or products you don’t offer, or expect you to drop everything and satisfy their needs right then and there, and when their expectations are not met, they pop a head gasket and or pull a nutty in your shop or restaurant. All because they feel they have been in some way in their tiny world unfairly treated or worse had their petty self-centered feelings hurt. The result is either you, the business owner, or one of their employees will later receive a scathing “review” on social media for what lasts until eternity and beyond.

There are never two sides of the story discussed here: the business owner is always the bad guy even when the customer was in fact way out of line. Oh sure, some sites have a way that the owner of the business can respond to a negative posting and apologize profusely, especially if the business owner’s employee they dealt with was out of line and the owner(s) promise the poor slighted one the world for a second chance to right all wrongs no matter who was at fault. Who knows the complainer might end up with a free meal and a complimentary bottle of wine. Not a bad motive for being jerks and getting the perks.

In some situations, it could have been a simple misunderstanding that may have resulted while trying to communicate with the offended ones who were wearing masks, face shields and on the other side of a Plexiglas partition, whatever the reason. No matter who is right or wrong, attacking a negative customer’s posting is considered “a third rail” for a business owner and is not proper internet etiquette.

We have all heard it a million times “The customer is always right…” Right?

Wrong, this is 2021 not 1960’s Mayberry RFD…They are usually right, and what’s wrong with people lately??? Half the population appears to be suffering from what I call “Covid Brain Syndrome”; these malcontent social zombies are wandering around the island complaining on their iPhone, wrist, and home computers about anything that causes them to feel uncomfortable or slighted in some way or form. It’s very sad and to me…very irritatingly annoying. 

It’s no secret the island has acquired so many new residents from every corner of the country (globe?) this past year and I have met and acquired many new fine customers and I welcome all of you newcomers to our island paradise and hope to meet you all someday.

I also know of a couple who moved here I wished stayed in that far away dark little corner of our country. (Globe?)

Watch out brother and sister shop owners there is this cretin couple prowling the island with their so self–importance, and believe the best way to bend us to their will is by wreaking havoc with their inaccurate fairy tale social media reports about how they are mistreated by us long time business owners, apparently in their misanthropic world they feel the best way to blend in and make friends, break bread and influence folks here is by sending out a blizzard of negative media reports about our well-loved businesses and restaurants. Oh, and how I would love to name their names as readily as they do ours! I would also love it if we merchants all got together and refused to service them, they then would get the hint to pull up their tent stakes and move away on the brooms and monkeys they flew here with.

I have a friend who owns a restaurant that can relate. The night began with “a problem on table three”. There was no pleasing them, complaints about the water, bread, wine, and their meal, you name it. The owner gave them a nice bottle of her favorite wine on the house and the chef went out of his way to make things right with complementary desserts. They left that night apparently satisfied, the next day they media-trashed the restaurant and its owners saying how rude they were and gave it a single star advising “Their Followers” to stay away. Very unfair! Oh, by the way, it would be easier to sell the Marco Bridges to the extinct Calusa Indians than remove an unwarranted negative biz review.

It’s funny, even when those same complaining twerps are treated above and beyond all their expectations, they will rarely leave a five-star compliment on the same media platform they would gladly trash you on if they feel you treated them otherwise.

These have been tough times for all of us, and especially the many ordeals island businesses have had to go through over the years, a supposed oil spill, recessions, hurricanes, mall renovations and now global pestilence - what’s next locusts, fire, and brimstone?

Then having to deal with these wandering nimrods itching for a confrontation because their island experience was unsatisfying, it only makes our jobs that much more difficult.

I’m almost done here. To those of you who insist living your daily lives by telling the rest of us of your “unsatisfactory life experiences” all I can say is that’s great, I hope it brings you some kind of joy, maybe it even gets you spiritually high. Quite frankly, I couldn’t care a palm rat’s hindquarters about your supposed bad experience at my favorite Indian restaurant! You know the one you complained about on social media by giving it a negative review because you thought the food was too hot and spicy??? It’s an Indian restaurant you NOODNIK what the heck did you expect hot spiced curried food to be mild?

In closing, my high horse is not appreciating me keeping him standing in this pile of cyber-fertilizer and it’s time to move on and dismount. I’ll always remember what my late Irish Grandmother always told me as a kid… If you can’t say something nice about someone it’s better to say nothing at all! I’m sorry Nana, my inner-city upbringing taught me to fight fire with fire, especially now when I have run out of cheeks to turn.

Have a safe and wonderful summer!

Richard Alan is a designer/goldsmith and owner of the Harbor Goldsmith, Marco’s “Island Jeweler” since 1994. He welcomes your questions and comments about all that glitters. www.harborgoldsmith.com.