Shining a Light on Domestic Violence

Tina Nash wants to heighten the public’s consciousness about a topic she knows well, domestic violence. Her experience as a victim of inter-relationship abuse motivated her to found the Take a Stand Against DV 5K Run and Walk in Naples three years ago. 

Held every October, which is national Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the event raises money for the DV unit of Legal Aid Services of Collier County. The organization is Nash’s partner in the event, which is set for 8:00 AM October 23, 2021 at Sugden Regional Park. 

The entry fee is $25 for adults and $10 for youths, 16 and under. The top three male and female finishers in each category receive medals and all participants will come away with an event t-shirt.

“It’s something fun that everybody can do,” Nash, of Marco Island, said of the Take a Stand Against DV 5K. “Everybody can walk. You don’t have to be a serious runner. We have different events afterward. We have trick-or-treating stuff and face painting and music and things like that for everybody. It’s just a fun thing to do.”

The fundraiser is only one part of Nash’s drive to heighten awareness about the problem. She’s also begun sharing her personal journey with domestic violence and what she’s done to escape its grip. 

Whirlwind is an apt description for the courtship that occurred between Nash and her now ex-husband.

She was a young flight attendant in 2003 when they first met, and he was a passenger on one of her flights. He was traveling to Parris Island, South Carolina, for Marine Corps boot camp. They hit it off and began corresponding regularly during his training and afterward, while he served in Iraq. Phone conversations didn’t start until he was sailing back to the U.S. from the Middle East. In August of that same year, the couple married, and Nash left her native Pittsburgh to reside with her husband in North Carolina.

“I thought I knew him because of the letters and the phone calls,” explained Nash. “But I didn’t know anything about his family, although I did talk on the phone with his mom quite a bit during that time. But I didn’t know any of his background and that he came from an abusive family. His dad abused his mom. He grew up seeing all that and I didn’t know any of that at the time.”

She said the warning signs of domestic violence were unknown to her, after being raised in a non-abusive home. It also wasn’t something she knew anyone to be experiencing. But that changed after the exchange of wedding vows. 

“It started out very slowly with throwing things and slamming doors or punching the wall next to me: all very intimidating things,” said Nash. “I just thought he had some anger issues and that’s just the way he was.” 

Over time, she said, those expressions of anger sometimes became physical, with him grabbing her and creating bruises, once trying to shove her head into a hot oven, pinning her against a wall and trying to strangle her, among other incidents during their 13-year marriage.

Nash said that despite the threats, verbal and physical abuse, she still didn’t realize what she was experiencing was domestic violence, a fact that she now finds “astounding.

“It happens so gradually and I know for a fact that’s why a lot of people don’t recognize it,” she said. “You don’t meet someone and they punch you in the face. You meet someone and they’re so wonderful to begin with, and then they start doing little things and if you don’t object to those little things, then it just keeps escalating. It’s very, very gradual and you think, ‘Oh, he apologized. He just had a bad day.’ You just brush it off. That’s how it happens.”

In 2005, after his discharge from the Marines, the couple moved from Jacksonville to Marco, where her parents relocated after leaving the Pittsburgh area. Their family grew to include two daughters. And despite medication and professional counseling and attempts at reconciliation, the anger issues and the abuse continued, unabated, leading to a divorce in 2016. 

Nash stressed the importance of raising awareness about the signs of domestic violence for those who may be in its grasp and for the general public. 

“That’s why it’s so important to me to get my story out,” she said. “You don’t recognize it sometimes. I was a 911 dispatcher. I answered calls from women crying and carrying on and I’d tell them, ‘go in the bathroom and lock the door and do not come out until the police come.’ I took these calls, probably one a night, during the seven-and-a-half years I worked there. But it didn’t dawn on me. I kept saying, ‘We’re going to the doctors, they’re prescribing medication, everything is going to eventually work out, they’ll find the right combination and everything will be okay.”

She hopes that programs can be developed to make high school students aware of the red flags so they can have healthy relationships, and to also educate teachers, police officers and other officials so they can intercede if they encounter or suspect domestic violence. 

“I would love to be able to set up something where survivors can get together and help others who are going through it, at all stages,” said. Nash. “I really, really think that education is the key to all this.” 

Legal Aid Services of Collier County (www.collierlegalaid.org), the Shelter for Abused Women and Children, in Naples (naplesshelter.org/), and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence hotline (800-799-7233) were among the resources she recommended for assistance with domestic violence. Nash said that should someone experiencing domestic abuse simply need to talk, she can be reached at klnash@live.com.

Sugden Regional Park is located at 4284 Avalon Drive, Naples. For more information about the Take a Stand Against DV 5K Run and Walk or to enter, visit collierlegalaid.org or runsignup.com/race/fl/naples/takeastandagainstdv5K.