Peter Pan, T-Rex, and the Big Tip

When asking Google and Artificial Intelligence if it is appropriate to offer a gratuity to a tour boat captain, the answer comes to the screen immediately. “Yes,” Google says, “You should tip your tour boat captain. Tipping is customary in the maritime tourism industry. It shows appreciation for the captain’s hard work, local knowledge, and the responsibility of keeping everyone safe on the water.”

The decision to become a boat captain—for most—has nothing to do with the amount of money the job will pay. The wife of one particular captain often calls the maritime career, “The Peter Pan job.”

For this particular Marco Island tour boat captain who came to Florida with no idea that he would actually become a United States Coast Guard licensed captain, the description of having “The Peter Pan job” is actually very close to accurate.

After all, Peter Pan did not do what he did for money. He did it because he loved the lifestyle and he knew—for him—it was the right thing to do. These very same ideals are apparent and illustrated daily in the ongoing roles of real-life tour boat captains.

Boat captains can certainly not fly like Peter Pan, dashing off to convince young maidens to leave the nest in search of adventure. The idea, however, of a youthful and perpetual quest does defeat the mundane and does attract the very special individuals who will forever remain young at heart.

Planet Earth is 70 % water. The overwhelming majority of oceans, seas, and lakes are indeed an ongoing adventure. Beyond the very limited view from where the curvature of the earth hides anything beyond 12 miles, a waterborne world of mystery is waiting.

Some captains were born as children who love to fish and continuously seek that adventure. Fishing for these very special mariners is not work; it is an ongoing pursuit. When the thrill of fishing becomes overpowering and is compelling beyond any reasonable reason to stop, these captains have to go fishing. Being a fishing captain can enable the fishing compulsion, but the work of the endeavor will always arrive with dread and doubt…at the end of the trip.

Alongside the fishing industry are the sailing, airboat, and sightseeing captains, and every other type of professional mariner that hosts the position of pilot of a tour boat. Every mariner that enables passenger-carrying excursions soon learns the joy of the waterborne adventure depends on an unspeakable entity that is always waiting…at the end of the trip.

Restaurant servers and bartenders are confident the tradition of the gratuity will be a practice to honor. The “elephant in the room” for boating tours is very different. For a tour boat captain, there is no steadfast confidence in a tip or gratuity. Some passengers tip; some do not. The idea of a tip for boat captains is a truly unspeakable topic . . . but always waiting . . . at the end of the trip.

The heroes and villains of the offshore adventures are the passengers. The guests on the boat must endure the sweltering heat and the scary thunderstorms that can arrive as suddenly as a villain in a story. Only a tour boat captain, however, can take the tiller and steer toward the next horizon where the heroes win the day.

After a captain becomes a veteran in the ways of the unspeakable stowaway of the ever-elusive tip, certain trademarks of behavior begin to emerge.

The first clue that passengers are not planning to honor a tip is when they begin to brag about how much money they have. “We have a five-car garage,” the ringleader of the passengers will mention casually, “Our vacation home is in France. We only travel first class. Our helicopter needs a new paint job.”

If this is the type of “name dropping” conversation the ringleader has to offer, a quick “Golden Handshake” will be the only reward at the end of the trip.

The passengers who climb aboard, reach in the cooler, and ask if the captain would like a drink will always offer a tip at the end of the tour. Anyone who asks where to place the trash will always offer a tip. Guests who offer to help are always big tippers. However, when passengers are constantly frowning and scrolling on phones—and whose children are rabid monsters—beware of much more than the “Golden Handshake” at the end of the trip.

Passengers who spray slippery sunscreen on everything as if they are painting cars can go either way, but a humble guest who voices awe at the sight of dolphins in the wild will always offer a generous tip.

The unspeakable entity that climbs aboard every tour is sometimes in disguise. This is when the ringleader of the passengers is unreadable: the guests are polite and thoughtful, and do not elaborate too much about past heroics, but an occasional whisper to each other —when they believe the captain is not watching—can reveal that a T-Rex has climbed aboard.

A T-Rex is a passenger who is extremely ingratiating when the excursion begins. This reptilian behavior continues with the skill of a large, sneaky predator until at last, the dock is in sight, and the end of the tour is almost complete. After the boat returns to the dock, the T-Rex will roar for his cohorts to run for the restrooms while the T-Rex offers a toothy and scaly smile. After the feeble and guilty grimace, the arms and the tiny hands of the T-Rex suddenly appear too short to reach into a pocket for a tip…before stomping off…to search for another victim…at the end of another trip.