More Than Forgetfulness?

Question: My Dad is showing signs of forgetfulness that may be more than the normal aging process. How do we approach financial matters if he’s suffering from memory loss? 

Answer: One of the ultimate acts of love is caring for someone as they age with memory issues further complicating things. Degenerative diseases, like dementia, are more common than many people realize. According to a recent study by Columbia University, almost 10% of U.S. adults ages 65 and older have dementia, and another 22% have mild cognitive impairment.

Deciding when caregiving becomes necessary is difficult, but the first step is having the conversation. This will help you determine how to ease the burden of everyday tasks and assistance with their long-term care planning. Understandably, you could be met with some resistance. The potential loss of independence is a common fear, yet your help may be welcome help if he already acknowledges behavioral changes that may put him or others at risk.

Warning signs: 

Misplacing an item, forgetting a name or face every so often is normal. This makes it hard to know what’s a red flag or not. Warning signs could include doubling up medication or getting lost on a daily walk.

Experts say there’s a marked difference in mild forgetfulness that’s a normal part of aging and signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Here are eight signs to look out for when it comes to serious cognitive impairment or dementia:

1. Forgetting recent events, upcoming events, or regular appointments.

2. Repeating the same questions or stories.

3. Misplacing items often.

4. Failing to recall the names of close family or friends.

5. Losing focus or getting easily distracted.

6. Having trouble finding desired words.

7. Struggling with paying bills, shopping, cooking and other household tasks.

8. Displaying poor judgment or inability to reason or problem-solve.

If you’re starting to notice these behaviors with your Dad, there may be cause for concern. It may be time to intervene with your support and care at this stage greatly improving his quality of life.

A Delicate Conversation 

Consider who should be part of the discussion when you tell your Dad you’re concerned about his well-being without triggering denial or defensiveness. Too many people in the discussion can make someone feel overpowered and vulnerable. The most important thing to remember is to approach the conversation with compassion and an empathetic tone. Your Dad may not realize, or be willing to admit, that he’s experiencing memory issues.

When someone’s memory begins to fade, the role of a caregiver is essential, providing day-to-day support and planning for the future. In some instances, there may be plans in place for when this happens, like moving in with a child willing to become a caregiver or hiring in-home care. You may be able to get a sense of this in your initial conversation. Of course, if this is not the case, you’ll not only need to determine a plan of action for today but think about tomorrow.

In addition to discussing where to live, other items to discuss with your Dad sooner rather than later include:

• a will
• a trust
• a durable power of attorney for finances
• a living will
• a durable power of attorney for healthcare

It’s ideal to document wishes before someone’s memory deteriorates any further. This will give you peace of mind that you’re honoring his hopes and desires as you coordinate caregiving needs.

Emerging Advancements 

Although there’s no cure for dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, there have been advancements in medications that may help slow the progression of the disease. Most are best used when symptoms first begin and there’s an early diagnosis. The Montessori method for approaching dementia is based on a childhood educator’s philosophies and is gaining momentum with caregivers.

Providing any level of caregiving and support for loved ones as they age can be overwhelming. But remember, there are resources you can leverage to help you (and them) proceed with peace of mind. Honoring their wishes and ensuring their safety is paramount; with open communication and a little understanding, you can be by their side on this journey. Stay focused and plan accordingly.

Source: Fact Set, 12/28/23.