Love Beyond Measure

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Federation Grandparent Flyer 2024 (1) (1) (1) (1) (1) (1) (1) (1) (3).pdf

Earlier this year, TikTok and Instagram fueled the “Grandmacore’’ movement. Rooted in fashion, decor, and lifestyle trends of grandparents, Grandmacore draws inspiration from nostalgic, cozy, and homely vibes associated with grandparents’ homes. The movement celebrates a return to simplicity and comfort and features elements evoking warmth and timelessness. The movement has gained so much traction that this past Spring, McDonald’s introduced “Grandma McFlurry.” They wrote, “It’s like grandma’s favorite treat that she hid in her purse!”

Grandmacore symbolizes the isolation, discomfort, and polarization today’s younger generations face - a symbol of just how much we need our grandparents. They represent sage wisdom, unconditional love, human connection, and all the things we’re missing in these stressful times.

From COVID to global conflict to high costs of living and relentless technological change, today’s parents especially feel the stress. In fact, the American Psychological Society’s “Stress in America” 2020 study found those aged 24-41 reported an average stress level 20% higher than those aged 56-74.

The stress levels only rise for parents of special needs children. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates nearly 4.5% of children under 18 have some type of disability and in 2023, the Center for Disease Control shared that one in 36 children in the U.S. are diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) - up from one in 150 in the year 2000. Numbers like these continue to rise thanks to new diagnostic tools, increased awareness, and changes in reporting.

The role of grandparents in families with special needs children cannot be underestimated. I know because my daughter is neurodiverse and the support I get from my own parents has been a significantly positive contributor to her growth and my sense of sanity.

Grandparents don’t have it easy though. How do you determine the best role you, as a grandparent, can play in a situation as fluid and stressful as raising special needs children? After all, family dynamics aren’t always the easiest to figure out. Experts cite four key areas where grandparents can help offset parental challenges and positively influence grandchildren with developmental disabilities and other special needs.

Lean on Me:

How Grandparents Can Provide Emotional Support to Parents of Special Needs Children

• Comfort and Understanding: I learned from parenting expert Lisa Damour that instead of trying to fix problems, the best thing a parent can say is, “I understand. Is there anything I can do that won’t make the situation worse?” Just being there and listening means more to your grandchildren’s parents than you know.
• Encouragement and Advocacy: I always appreciate it when my mom sends me articles about how to help my children or shares examples of how other parents are navigating educational systems. This type of encouragement keeps me informed and helps me advocate for my child in various settings.

Acts of Everyday Kindness:

Practical Ways Grandparents Can Support Families with Special Needs Kids

• Childcare: This is a no-brainer. Special needs parents need breaks and time for self-care. If you can just take your grandkids, even for an hour, it would give your child the time they need to simply breathe, get things done, get some exercise, etc.
• Transportation: Another no-brainer! Shuttling kids seems so simple, but it’s so exhausting. Perhaps once a week, if you are local, consider offering to take your grandchild to PT, OT, school, or wherever they need to go. If grandchildren need car seats, be willing to have one in your car to alleviate the burden of moving gear around.
• Household Support: I tell my family all the time, “I am not an octopus!” Yet the demands of special needs parenting do require more than two hands, so if you can help with things like cooking, cleaning, and errand-running, it would alleviate the nagging pressure we parents put on ourselves.

Lighten the Financial Load:

Providing Financial and Resource Assistance for Special Needs Families

• Monetary Assistance: Let’s face it. Care is expensive, and the care for special needs children is massive. All the supports - from PT to OT, from medical to mental, the bills just add up, so whatever you can contribute financially - without strings - again just alleviates burden.
• Resource Management: And if money is not an option, then help parents navigate financial resources, such as applying for government assistance or finding grants and scholarships for special needs services.

Let’s Play:

Fostering Connection with Special Needs Grandchildren Through Socialization and Recreation

• Inclusive Activities: Engage grandchildren in activities that are both enjoyable and beneficial for their development, promoting socialization and learning in a relaxed environment. For instance, have you set up a grandparent playdate for your grandchildren? Get some of your favorite grandparent friends and invite them over with their grandchildren to play!
• Understand the Toys: Toys and activities may be different than what you’re used to. For instance, toys with screens are less beneficial than toys that encourage core strength. Going to the movies may require you to select a sensory-friendly showtime. Beef up on the toys and activities that can truly help your grandchild learn and grow in the ways that make sense for them. I love the quote from Michael J. Fox, “If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.” The same thought applies to play.
• Family Traditions: Be inclusive! Your grandchild may not be able to participate in traditions the way you hoped they would, but they can do A LOT. Find ways to ingrate them into the planning and execution of holiday dinners and other family traditions. For instance, my daughter didn’t have a long enough attention span to participate in cooking a full recipe, but she loved kneading dough and decorating spaces, so those were her jobs (and we made sure bread was always part of our family dinner tables).

The Best Gift of All:

Offering Unconditional Love and Security for Special Needs Grandchildren

As a parent of children with special needs, I can’t underscore enough how valuable it is for grandparents to be involved. While there will always be some level of an “I can do it myself” mindset, the truth is today’s parents can’t do it all. It’s just not feasible, given current societal norms and expectations.

My parents provided daycare for my oldest child for the first year of her life, came for visits and dinner on a regular basis, and regularly inquired as to my children’s welfare. Having them in my village gave me mental comfort, physical relief, opportunities for my own self-care, and more. Not only that, but it gave my children the comfort and knowledge that they had their own village of reliable and loving caregivers.

It also provided intangible benefits such as improved emotional stability, enhanced mental health, increased self-worth, higher academic achievement, and better social skills - all things that you can’t necessarily measure but that are worth their weight in gold.

Susan Abrams of ‘The Social Coach’ shares, “Grandparents often provide a sense of security and unconditional love. Their presence allows grandchildren to feel emotionally grounded, especially during challenging times. Grandparents play a pivotal role and contribute significantly to the social and emotional growth of their grandchildren.”

Supporting Special Needs Families: Key Questions Grandparents Can Ask

As a grandparent, if you are unsure of how to engage, just ask. Consider asking your adult children, “What might be the best way to support you?” or “Is there anything I can do that won’t make the situation worse?” Allow your children the time and space to consider your questions and come back to you with thoughtful answers.

Now, go. Your grandchildren await.

Based in Naples, Meredith Conte is a writer and mother of two. With the intent of touching the human heart, Meredith draws from her own life experience to write about cultural moments and trends.