Johnny and Parenting by Phone

When the adventure began, not even Google could have predicted the determined disaster and outcome of a fledgling criminal. No one could have seen it coming. The day was perfect. There were fair-weather clouds. Every bird was singing and dolphins were playing and jumping out of the water.

The measure for many seeking adventure on the water is the question of temperature and temperament. Is the sun too strong? Is everybody happy? Is the breeze too much? On the day of this Beach Boy Chronicle, every item of concern could easily find placement in the category of perfect, except for one.

When Al Capone came to Florida for winter vacations, there must have been perfect weather days, but when the notorious chief of the Chicago crime syndicate arrived during prohibition, he was not as young as Johnny, or even Johnny’s parents who were oblivious to everything but their cell phones.

When Johnny arrived dockside with his parents, everything at first seemed innocent. This illusion, however, did not last long. After a brief introduction, names were exchanged and everyone boarded the catamaran. Before the Coast Guard rules and regulations, and the whereabouts of life jackets could be explained, mom and dad were comfortable on the forward trampoline and very busy with their phones. Johnny was also busy with his eyes. His eyes were everywhere. Ten-year-old Johnny was a quick study, but not in a good way. He measured everything. He was constantly calculating. In retrospect, everything about Johnny was shedding trouble.

When the boat began backing out of the dock, mom and dad were oblivious because they were focusing on their phones. This was when Johnny slipped up beside me at the helm and watched carefully as I shifted from reverse into forward and began steering out toward Marco Bay.

When Johnny boarded the boat, he was wearing sunglasses. Before the boat could enter the bay, Johnny pulled off his sunglasses and threw them overboard and into the water. He obviously liked the look of shock from the captain at the tiller. Without the sunglasses, his eyes were flat - like a reptile. When Johnny spoke, his voice was scratchy like a rasp. “Just so you know,” he croaked with a crooked smile. “I’m going to break something on your boat today.” He then nodded like a conspirator in the know as he automatically checked on his parents who were upfront, unknowing, and staring at their phones.

As the excursion progressed, so did Johnny’s interest with everything in his new confinement that was the deck of our catamaran. When playful dolphins began jumping ahead of the boat, I called out, “Look! Dolphins!”

Johnny’s parents looked up for a moment, but when the dolphins remained submerged—for only a few seconds—mom and dad went back to the screens on the phones.

This was when Johnny approached and sat just out of arm's reach. “Tonight, when we go out to eat,” he advised darkly, “I’m going to eat a dolphin. I’ve seen them on the menu.”

Finally, and with some needed relief, I shook my head. “That’s Mahi Mahi on the menu.” I explained with delight. “Mahi Mahi is a bull dolphin. They are fish. The animals that were seen here are mammals. They are bottlenose dolphins. They breathe air like us. They are not fish. These bottlenose dolphins are protected by the government.”

Abruptly Johnny scowled as if his best-laid plans were ruined. He then looked forward to where his parents were still obsessed with the tiny rectangle screens and refocused on me. “Do you know how I can tell my dad is smarter than you are?” he asked.

Wondering where this was going, I fell for the bait. “No Johnny,” I answered. “How can you know that your dad is smarter than I am?”

Johnny’s smile was flat but his eyes were eager with anticipation. “Because he makes more money than you…a lot more,”

After reeling in the insult and throwing most of it overboard, I decided to go on the offensive. “How about you Johnny?” I began, “What do you like in school? What do you want to do for a living?”

Suddenly Johnny looked disgusted. “I hate school!” he offered, “I hate everything about it.”

“But Johnny,” I pleaded, “You have to go to school so you can get a good job. The key to success is found in school.”

“I hate school!” Johnny repeated loudly. “As soon as I’m old enough, I’m going to quit school and become a criminal. I’ll be on the news!”

At this point, prompted by her son’s loud declaration, mom sat up from her position on the forward trampoline and looked over her shoulder. Dad was still looking at his screen when mom nervously laughed in our direction. “Isn’t that funny?” she said, “He is always saying that about becoming a criminal.”

“Hey Johnny!” she asked before turning toward the front of the boat and going back to look at her screen. “Why don’t you get me a bottle of water out of the cooler?”

“Sure thing mom,” Johnny said sweetly. He then moved forward to the cooler behind his parents who were facing forward. After he lifted the lid on the cooler, he looked back with a purpose to where I was watching from the tiller. Little Johnny then offered his reptile smile before twisting the lid violently and breaking it off the plastic hinges. Without a pause, he reached in, grabbed a water, and passed it up to his mom before quietly setting the broken lid down on the deck.

When the trip was over, mom and dad looked up from their phones, and asked Johnny, “What happened to your sunglasses?” Little Johnny shrugged with innocence before stepping off the boat and giving me one final and chilling reptile smile.

This story is true. Johnny’s name was changed to protect the author. Look for Johnny in the next few years on “America’s Most Wanted”

Tom Williams is a Marco Islander and the author of two books: “Lost and Found” and “Surrounded by Thunder—the Story of Darrell Loan and the Rocket Men.” Both books are available on Kindle and Nook.