I’m Trying, I’m Really Trying

It’s no secret the island is already beginning to get busy, it’s already becoming difficult to make a left hand turn across Collier from a side street crossing southbound to go northbound and that’s at 7:00 PM! Over the years I had many different ways of telling the island was getting busy…I called them “barometers” of determining how populated the island was becoming at that point in time - Residents Beach was one, now I barely go to the beach, so that’s out. How many lights that shined in windows after dark at the high-rise condos to the right of resident’s beach was another way, the more lights that were on the more people were on the island. Another way was by the amount of traffic of unskilled boaters and the resulting chaos in the Marco River on any Sunday. A similar Sunday barometer is the amount of parishioners at our houses of worship. Another two things I now avoid doing. You may have your own way of knowing, like waiting forever for a table without a reservation at your favorite restaurant after 7:00 PM. 

Now that the syndrome I personally call P.C.I. P. (Post Covid-19 Island Populater) is in full effect, it’s getting more difficult to tell how crazy busy the island is going by the influx of all kinds of new people. 

Then there was off season (remember that?). That was when the locals would come out of the woodwork like Phil the groundhog and revel in all the stuff you can’t do in season, which amounts to just about everything.

Ah! Yes, off season…l business owners would take well deserved short or long vacations and come back refreshed, a little paint or remodeling, some do deep cleans in preparation for yet another upcoming season. Now we catch hell for having the audacity to take a day off or heaven forbid take a weeks’ vacation.

I’ve spent quite a few hours explaining to people I never met that yes, I close the shop for a good part of September and have done so for like 27 years now, and I don’t see me changing that “tradition” any time soon. So who are you again? Oh! So you’re new here…welcome to the island, you aren’t in Kansas, or New York, New Jersey, Wisconsin or Massachusetts any longer. It’s a funny thing to you that I’m closed Saturdays and Sundays in the hot summer months and I know it’s hard to believe because it’s not that way up north.

Many islanders who not only live here also happen to own businesses and it can be difficult for many of us to also enjoy the fact that we live in paradise. Another fact you may not believe is that some of us own boats, motorcycles, play golf, fish, jet ski and truly enjoy the Florida lifestyle. I may only be speaking for myself, though I doubt it. So to answer the question as to why I’m not open Sundays is because I have no intentions of being open for business on Sunday’s because Monday through Saturday is an inconvenience for you.

And speaking of inconvenience, yesterday a customer came in wanting a watch battery replacement while she waited; it was a very expensive high-grade watch that required many tiny screws to be removed from the back in order to replace the battery, something I never rush or do “while one waits.” My salesperson explained the degree of difficulty to her and we would have it in less than an hour, her angry reply was “I can’t wait! Just give me a knife and I will take the back off myself! Not only is a knife the wrong tool, the watch having screws and all, it’s also a weapon (I may be crazy, I’m not stupid!). I politely refused her request for a knife and she left in a huff. I now regret not giving her a blunt bench knife and watching her as she massacred the back cover of her expensive watch like a monkey opening a coconut with a sharp rock. Was she a P.C.I.P.? I think so…just before her was another who demanded her wedding ring was too loose, meanwhile she can’t get the ring in question off her finger during my questioning her. You mean make it larger right? “No tighter! I’m telling you it’s too loose!” Lady you can’t get the ring off now can you imagine if I make it smaller? That encounter did not end well, she mumbled something to the effect that I’m an idiot and left as happy as the last one. 

Small word of advice to the “newbie’s” populating the island (you’ll notice I didn’t say “my island” - when I hear that phrase from both longtime residents and new, that sets me off!) It’s everyone who lives here on the island! As a 28-year resident of this island I learned it’s a known fact people come and go here like the tide and then there’s some you wish would leave even sooner. It’s a good learning curve to go with the well-known and century old established island flow. So, if you are pushy, impatient and downright impossible to deal with, you will find out quickly - as the news about you travels through the island coconut telegraph (AKA island social media - no one is gonna wanna have anything to do with you. Let’s just say that Marco’s in no way like where you came from, and for one, I am not changing to your twisted standards. I admit when I first moved here years ago from Boston, the pace of the island was hard to accept and so was the first palmetto bug or gecko my wife experienced in the house and that is what makes Marco Island… well, Marco Island. A place to live, laugh and love and enjoy the fruits of your long years of labor. So, newcomers, chill, relax and go with the flow and enjoy the Marco Island lifestyle all of us islanders cherish.

It’s only early November - heaven give me the strength!

Richard Alan is a designer/ goldsmith and is celebrating his 25th year as owner of The Harbor Goldsmith, Marco Island’s go-to jeweler. He welcomes your questions and comments about All That Glitters. www.harborgoldsmith.com.