I Got Up and Shaved For This?

I just received a phone call from someone who is not yet a customer and after we finished our conversation, she most likely will never be one. It went like this…   

“Hello, can I talk to the jeweler?”

“This is Richard the jeweler how can I be of service?”

“Are you the guy that does the work?”

“The same person”

“One of my diamonds fell out of my ring - how much will it cost to put another one in?”

“It’s not that simple, how big or small is the diamond? And I have to see if it needs prong work because they just don’t fall out.”

“So, you are not going to give me a price?”

“It could cost $50 to $5,000…I can’t quote you the exact price until I see the ring.”

“I don’t understand why you just can’t give me a price; it’s a simple thing I’m asking you.”

“Do you have a cell phone that takes pictures?”

“No, it’s an old flip phone. Look Richard…is that your name? I just want a price!”

“Ok ma’am…could you please hold it closer to the phone so I can see it more clearly!”

There was a moment of silence, then a rude disconnect. I don’t understand why she hung up on me, I did say please. 

And it goes on and on…

“Hello Harbor Goldsmith, Richard speaking”

“Yeah, what do you guys charge to change a watch battery?”

“It depends on the brand of the watch, if there are screws holding the back on or it’s just a snap off, if you purchased the watch here or, if you are one of my V.I.P.  card members, the service is free. Otherwise, prices start at ten dollars and up. May I ask what make is your watch?”

“Ten dollars!!! The flea market in Bonita only charges a buck!”

“Sir, I’m a brick-and-mortar jewelry store, paying rent, electric, my employee’s wages, taxes and insurance. I’m not a fly-by-night guy doing business on a folding table replacing 20-year-old leaky Korean batteries in the blazing sun under a tent for a dollar. I can’t change watch batteries for a buck…my price is $10 and up.” 

#@*% CLICK!

Ring ring…

“Do you folks do appraisals? I lost my diamond ring and the insurance company I want to insure it with wants an appraisal for the ring.”

“Let me get this straight - you already lost the ring and now you want me to appraise a ring that you no longer possess so you can defraud the insurance company and I’m an accomplice…sorry no, I can’t appraise what I presumed you owned and no longer have. Not only is it illegal, it’s immoral. Like buying boat insurance after you sink the boat.”

“But I have the original receipt from 1990…”

“Sorry, that means nothing to me - who’s to say you didn’t sell it and now expect me to appraise a ring from an old sales receipt???? No physical ring, no appraisal. It’s kinda the law.”

CLICK!!!!

Ring ring…

“Can I speak with the owner?”

“Speaking…”

“Yes, several years ago I bought a silver sand dollar and it has turned a dark color. I’m very disappointed and I want my money back!”

“Sterling silver is known to tarnish near salt air environments, especially if worn in a pool or saltwater. Do you wear it while swimming?”

“That’s nonsense! My other white gold jewelry doesn’t discolor like this!”  

“White gold is not silver. Pandora, Tiffany and Cartier silver tarnishes, white gold does not normally tarnish, but it can dull from chlorine in the pool. Bring it in - I can dip it and polish and give you a free polishing cloth; it will look like new again.”

“I paid $25 - I didn’t expect it to tarnish!” 

“Just bring it in - we can work something out.”

CLICK!

Ring ring…

“Do you repair eye glasses?”

“It depends on what’s wrong, I have a laser welder and sometimes I can weld the nose bridges back on. What’s the issue?”

“I think I need new lenses; do you do that?”

“No, I’m sorry I made a deal with the island optometrists -they don’t sell gold or diamonds and I don’t replace lenses!”

All in a day’s work…it begins with utter ignorance, absolute frugality, and an attempt to commit grand larceny while trying to reason with the unreasonable.  

As the average hot summer day drags on and I become more sarcastic, I start yearning for the sound of a Spanish guitar, the pleasant Mediterranean breeze, a sunny day on my veranda overlooking a topless beach, while I enjoy endless sangrias and Cuban cigars…Mallorca, Spain is calling me! 

Andrea (my wife)!!! Make the necessary reservations!!!

CLICK!