Finding Friends

Dear Lonely,

Because friendships are so important to me, it always makes me sad when I hear that someone is lonely and friendless. I hope I can help you find a friend. 

If you’re here all year, it’s good that you’re asking about this now because making friends in the summer, when so many people return north, is even more challenging. 

You don’t have to join Newcomers Club (although I did when I moved here), but you do need to show up where potential friends may be. That could be a class (check out all the amazing classes at the Marco Island Center For The Arts), a team (pickleball ball at the YMCA perhaps), a church, a philanthropic organization, Calusa Garden Club, shell club, etc. Look through the Calendar of Events section in this newspaper to find a wealth of ideas. 

Does your condo have a book club, a card club, or social events? If any of these are offered, go. Although I was already in a book club, I joined the club at my condo when I first moved in so I could meet the people who shared a roof with me. It took a while, but now I have new friends. 

Go to Lunch With Friends Over 60 on the third Wednesday at the Lutheran Church. It’s free! Consider volunteering at Our Daily Bread Food Pantry, Tommy Barfield School, or St. Matthews House. 

Let’s say, you’re at your club or class or whatever you choose to do, now what? Take a deep breath and approach someone who looks like a potential friend. “Hi, I’m …. How long have you been a member here?” Ask the person questions about the club or activity, about themselves, about whether or not they like the weather. Engage this person by asking a question, then listen, REALLY listen to their response. Take a cue from what they say, then respond. Divulge something about yourself beyond where you came from, although that’s a start. 

When you find someone you’d like to know better, ask them if they’d like to go to lunch or coffee sometime. Get their contact information then follow through. Yep, it’s scary to initiate a friendship because we fear rejection but if you want to make a friend - REALLY want to make a friend - you have to put yourself out there. 

Perhaps this person is too busy to entertain a new friendship. If so, move on to another potential friend. There’s no secret formula, no three-step process that results in an impressive social circle or even one true friend. All I can say is be kind, be approachable, be inquisitive, and get out of your condo. Smile!

Good luck in your quest. I’ll be here cheering you on.