Don’t Worry – Be Happy!

Dear Worrier,

In 1695, the fictionalized Mother Goose (or perhaps the real person, Elizabeth Foster Goose) wrote the following: 

For every ailment under the sun, 

There is a remedy, or there is none, 

If there be one, try to find it; 

If there be none, never mind it.

Apparently, The Serenity Prayer started with Mother Goose. Who knew? It’s been a mantra of mine for many years. Perhaps it will be meaningful to you also.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

Courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Now, to your issue with worry. First of all, thank goodness you see the need to change your Worry Wart behavior. Scientific studies agree that dwelling on negative events and constant worry may cause depression and other physical symptoms.

Worry has a place in our lives. The examples you give of the things you’re worrying about may be real issues that you need to address. Perhaps they require action that is within your control. If so, address the issue and relieve yourself of the worry. 

For instance, create a financial plan so you know you’ll be secure if you’re left on your own, ask your friend if they were offended by your remarks, call your doctor if your symptoms continue. 

Here are some other suggestions to help you lessen your every day (and night) worries: 

• Make a list of your worries. This may seem counterintuitive but, trust me, it can help in the long run. As you review your list, mark each worry as productive or unproductive. To help you do this, look at each one through the lens of the Mother Goose poem.
•  Journal your thoughts. Similar to making a list, journal about how your current worries are making you feel, how they’re impacting your life, how you’d feel if you were (mostly) worry free. Getting your thoughts on paper is a good first step.
• Learn to embrace uncertainty. Acceptance means noticing that uncertainty exists. As you embrace uncertainty, you’ll learn to let go and focus on things you can control.
• Notice that things rarely turn out as bad as you think. Trust that, even if what you’re worrying about happens, you can handle it.
•  Talk about your worries. Getting help to understand what is causing your anxiety and what it’s related to will help you move away from the pit of worry. Get to the roots. For example, if you had a mom who was unavailable or inconsistent, you may have developed the mind-set that the world isn’t a safe place. Likewise, divorce and overprotection also may have reduced your sense of internal safety and security. 

Coaching request: Take action today! Do something that you think will help you worry less. You’ve already taken one positive step—you’ve written to me. Now, take another then another and soon you’ll no longer be a Worry Wart.