Dealing with Uncertainty

Dear Coach,

I’m feeling a great deal of uncertainty in my life right now. Just two examples contributing to this feeling are: I have a, yet to be accurately diagnosed, medical condition and we need to put our house on the market and move to something more affordable. 

The decision about the move is somewhat within my control although, market fluctuations and my husband’s opinion, still keep this in the realm of uncertainty. 

I thrive in a world of spreadsheets, lists, and calendar notations. Any suggestions on how to cope with these personal uncertainties in a time of global uncertainty?

Signed,

List Maker

Dear List Maker, 

Feeling your angst! I’m also a person who finds peace and security in making and executing a well-thought-out plan. Like you, sitting with uncertainty is challenging and I don’t like it.

Harriet Lerner, psychologist and author, challenges us with this statement, “It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.” True as it is, I find myself rebelling against this idea. Do you?

Lerner calls sitting with uncertainty “an act of courage” but, to me, courage means action. However, I took her advice and, after “sitting with it for a while” (how long is a while?), I then began to call upon other traits like perseverance and resilience. 

During a recent state of extreme uncertainty, when I scarfed down corned beef hash with vinegar and Ketchup (a childhood favorite) and meticulously cleaned my kitchen (something within my control), I was reminded of tools I used in the past to persevere in the midst of uncertainty and chaos. A more recent tool (I’m thinking Covid lock-down year), I journaled every day (much healthier than corned beef hash). Calling on my faith has also gotten me through times of great uncertainty. 

Here are some other things to consider:

  - Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up if your tolerance for unpredictability is lower than a friend’s. Remind yourself that it might take time for the stressful situation to resolve and be patient with yourself in the meantime.

 - Avoid dwelling on things you can’t control. When uncertainty strikes, many people immediately imagine worst-case scenarios. Get out of the habit of ruminating on negative events.

 - Engage in self-care. Don’t let stress derail your healthy routines. Make efforts to eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep. Many people find stress release in practices such as yoga and meditation.

 - Seek support from trusted friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

What tools have you used in the past to combat anxious feelings brought on by uncertainty? I believe that planners like us often kid ourselves when we think our life is truly under control because, as we both know, anything can happen any minute of the day. Life is about learning to deal with constant change and uncertainty. At least we both have the courage to acknowledge it!