Dealing with Conflicting Core Values

Dear Uncertain,

Aristotle said, “The perfect kind of friendship is that of good men who resemble one another in virtue.” Given today’s society, this may be a demanding ideal yet, visiting this gentleman doesn’t require you to be friends - just friendly. 

However, just as you suggest in your email, now that you are aware of his viewpoints, it may be difficult to sustain positive vibes and still be authentic in your relationship.

A few things to consider: This person is not reliant upon you. Your visits are a matter of generosity, not duty. You have the right to spend your volunteer time with people you consider worthy of your time. This may sound harsh, but it’s a consideration.

On the other hand, perhaps this person is now isolated because of a lifetime of negativity. In which case you could demonstrate a different life path and attitude - whether or not it makes a difference in his views. 

A couple of obvious suggestions: If you’re a person of faith it might be helpful to pray about your decision, speak with the coordinator of the organization, or speak with a trusted friend or confidante and get their take. In the end, however, the difficult decision is yours. There are no easy answers. If you do decide to discontinue your relationship, I think it would be respectful to tell him why. Do it in the spirit of grace.