Coping with Anxiety

Dear Coach,

The past year and a half have been marked with uncertainty for me (and everyone else) which has left me feeling more anxious than usual. 

I’m not just anxious about COVID - I’m fully vaccinated - but about the future and life in general. 

Any tips?

Signed,

Anxious Annie 

Dear Annie,

The German social psychologist, Erich Fromm, wrote, “The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.” The biggest tip I have, Annie, is to find ways to tolerate your insecurity which will relieve some of your anxiety.

Here are a few ways I’ve coped with insecurity in my life.

One of the dubious benefits of losing a mother at the age of eight was I became a planner. I think it’s how I’ve coped with knowing, from a very young age, that life is uncertain. I not only became a “what’s-for-dinner” planner, I became a “what-if-there’s-another-Great Depression” planner. 

When I had children at home, my “second great depression” plan was to dig up the back yard (a half-acre) and plant a BIG garden - like big enough to keep us in food. I also learned how to bake bread and sew clothing. This satisfied the anxiety I felt over knowing that life is uncertain and catastrophic things can and do happen. It worked! I never had to dig up the backyard, but my mind was satisfied with the dubious plan.

I’m not suggesting you start baking bread or planting cucumbers, I’m only sharing what helped me. It’s all “headwork.” Making a plan in your head or on paper around the what ifs that are disturbing you. Later in life, having adequate financial resources became my anxiety safety net. 

 Here are a few other tips that may help relieve your anxiety about the unknown: 

— Be kind to yourself and practice good self-care. Feeling strong and able-bodied can be an antidote to anxiety.

— Seek support from those you trust; seek professional help if the anxiety disrupts your quality of life.

— Develop new skills that give you confidence about your ability to cope with what might come your way. 

— Limit your exposure to the news.

— Avoid dwelling on things you can’t control.

— Reflect on times when you had success in overcoming your fears, made it through an anxious time, or dwelt with an emergency.

— Control what you can, i.e., your immediate environment, how you treat others, your thoughts. Do your best to let the rest go.

Mathematician John Allen Paulos said, “Uncertainty is the only certainty there is and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” 

Coaching questions: What step will you take to deal with insecurity? Noah built an arc, what will you do?

Hang in there, Annie! You too can learn to live comfortably with the uncertainties of this life.

Mershon Niesner, Author

Book: Mom’s Gone, Now What

Blog: www.motherloss.blog

Website: www.mershonniesner.com

Twitter: @MershonN

Instagram: mershonniesner/