Common Cents

I’m baaack! I’ve returned to the island after enjoying my summer hiatus and I can’t help but notice the summer must be officially over! While in Lowe’s I was astounded by the volume and prices of Halloween decorations for sale and not just there but everywhere.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but seriously, I can remember only a few short months ago there were empty shelves and not just in supermarkets or hardware stores.

I personally found many shortages affecting my business. I suffered the wrath of running out of the most popular size watch battery only because they were not available or “on back order.” I had to beat many a bush just to find twelve of #377 batteries during the height of season. Many other products that ensure my business runs smoothly were out of stock for a period of time. One ring I needed ASAP the manufacturer informed me it would not be in stock until March 2023! Whaaaat! I ended up making it by hand myself, costing me more money and time.

This is a crazy world! The shelves appear to be well stocked in most cases, only now with the current economy, high rents, gas prices…who the heck can afford to buy what was until now unavailable? (Like for example, expensive Halloween decorations, something that’s not on my have-to-have list!) 

It was no secret that island business was off last month. August was nowhere as busy as it was last year, which was the reason I beat feet overseas and closed the shop for the first two weeks of September to give my staff some time off. The summer handed me a basket of lemons…              I made not only lemonade, added wine and sangria!

The future has come down to a wait and see situation. My break in the action or inaction gave me the chance to reflect after a hectic 2022 season. I came to the realization that no matter how much I preach about being careful with high end jewelry purchases on cruise line sanctioned establishments, folks will still do incredibly risky and foolish things with their hard-earned money. Many resort establishments prey on the baby boomers with expensive looking jewelry, slick talk and fictitious guarantees. The true results are that the unsuspecting buyer(s)end up with horrible diamond quality rings, pendants, earrings or bracelets complete with non-existing money back promises and impossible return policies.

The diamond quality they hawk is the industry's worst so why does it end up in cruise ship sanctioned jewelry stores? I think the word “kickback” is a good explanation. I’m convinced it’s a sanctioned multi-million-dollar industry. Just google any tourist trap port in the Caribbean and type in resort jewelry stores scams and fraudulent practices and you will see for yourself that the list is endless and next to no one gets their money back. I won’t name the scoundrels here, just google them and see for yourselves - you will be surprised! 

The cruise line will suggest you should only patronize their sanctioned jewelry stores to feel confident when you make your purchases. You take their advice, make your purchases, then find out when you get home you have been duped out of a large sum of money for shabby quality jewelry and yet they will not accept any responsibility if you are taken over the coals by that very store they recommend? You are on your own folks. Once the scammer shops have your money, you have a snowball’s chance in Hades, especially in a third world country, of getting a single penny of it back. Oh yes, they will offer to give you something else of equal or even less quality (if that is at all possible?) and many times only if you spend more of your money to make it right. These people are incorrigible - they will always win and win big. They simply hope and pray you will not cause a fuss and then live with your poorly made purchase. Sad thing is most people do just that…live with it. 

Yet they continue to dump poor quality jewelry to unsuspecting middle age and elderly cruisers. I have seen several diamond rings purchased for tens of thousands of dollars that only appraise for a fraction of the amount paid; no one is happy to hear the cold hard facts. 

And guess who reveals that information? I’m getting a bit weary of giving the purchasers the bad news in my shop and then endure their disbelieving reactions after they read my “inaccurate” appraisal of their purchase. I travel quite a bit, and cruise all the tourist shops - I always leave laughing when I hear the same opening sales pitch only in different languages. Another practice these “ruse shops” use is to highly inflate the price tags so the sales crew can discount the daylights out of it and still swindle the naive buyers.

Any jewelry store that gives deep discounts on any article of jewelry I suggest you run, don’t walk, out of there; nothing that benefits the buyer will occur there.

I have seen a person(s) purchase a $20,000 diamond ring discounted from $35,000 appraised at only $4,500. No jeweler I know plays that game and expects to be in business very long.

In high traffic tourist traps the prey to be duped is an endless stream of unsuspecting marks   and they are usually in a foreign country; getting satisfaction after you get burned is difficult if not impossible.

As a veteran of the jewelry business for more than a half a century, nobody but nobody gives gold or diamonds away unless it is stolen or the quality is so poor and marked up so high that even if they offer it at 70% off retail, they still make a killer profit. And don’t get me going about the biggest scam that continues without control in the U.S. I’m talking about these endless hotel auctions offering confiscated drug dealer’s jewelry, cars and belongings. 

So, on that note…I’m now offering twenty shares of one million dollars per share for a combination diamond and gold mine I discovered in the Florida Everglades. Digging of the mine will begin in 2029 (Enough time for me to abscond with my investors millions and live very comfortably on a desolate island I will purchase and live the rest of my life.) 

As a show of good faith, I have already invested my life savings on the mining equipment required to perform this ridiculously rewarding endeavor. A brand spanking new shovel, hoe, one wheelbarrow and a broken-down old donkey named “Samuel.” I also found and hired from the internet a questionable character, sight unseen, named Manny (his last name eludes me) who presented me with copies of impressively forged documents and degrees…He claims to be a world renown geologist. 

I offer no guarantees of success or a single red penny of a return on your investment, so why not take a chance - all you stand to lose is a measly million dollars. So don’t hesitate or you’ll miss the boat. The deadline is January 1st 2023, make all cashier’s checks payable to me Richard Alan…in care of my attorney’s… Robbem, Cheatum and Fleece. 

Thank you for your consideration, so get out your check books, this is a sure thing, (at least in the way I look at it).