Bringing Awareness to Mental Health

Dear Mom,

I’m passionate about mental health advocacy and services so each May during Mental Health Awareness Month, I address questions relating to mental illness. Your question is timely and important.

Although we have made progress in our understanding, treatment, and acceptance of mental illness, we still have a long way to go. When any other organ is diseased or distressed, there is sympathy, understanding, and readily available treatment.

When the brain is diseased or distressed people might say, “Get over it” or “You seem fine to me.” As your daughter is experiencing, at times people may think less of a person because they think or act in a way that is unclear to them. 

Jane Pauley, television journalist, writes, “When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder the year I turned 50 (she’s currently 73), it was certainly a shock. But as a journalist, knowing a little bit about a lot of things, I didn't suffer the misconception that depression was all in my head or a mark of poor character. I knew it was a disease, and, like all diseases, was treatable.”

Knowing that bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses are a disease is one thing, dealing with the emotional impact is another. Pauley goes on to write, “A diagnosis has been enough without being burdened by secrecy and shame.”

Thank goodness your daughter is seeking treatment. I’m sorry, however, that she has feelings of shame and misunderstanding. As her parent, it sounds like this may be your experience as well.

According to an article on the American Psychological Association’s website, “It's difficult to be diagnosed with a serious mental illness. It's also difficult for their loved ones. When a person is living with a serious mental illness, the whole family may be affected.”

As a mother, you may have feelings of guilt or shame. Know that many serious mental illnesses, like bipolar disorder, have a biological component. They aren’t the result of bad parenting, and they probably couldn't have been prevented by anything that you might have done differently. Even still, it's normal to feel a range of powerful - and often unpleasant - emotions.

You may also feel angry - at the disease, at your response, even at your daughter. And though it may not be logical, you may, to some degree, be blaming yourself. Such feelings of shame and anger may also go hand-in-hand with feelings of guilt. Grief is also common.

Listening to your daughter without judgment may be one of the best ways you can acknowledge her. Affirm her decision to seek treatment and her feelings of being misunderstood. Let her know that you’ll stand by her no matter what. 

Accept your feelings as normal. If, however, your negative feelings disrupt your life and relationships, consider seeking professional help. Be gentle with yourself as you go through this process.

One last thing, if you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide or experiencing a mental health crisis, dial or text 988 for the suicide and crisis lifeline. A trained crisis counselor will answer your call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 

Crisis counselors listen empathetically and without judgment. He/she will work to ensure that you feel safe and help identify options and information about mental health services in your area. 

Best of luck to you and your daughter.