Becoming So Emotional

Dear Coach,

This letter may seem a little weird but I hope you can shed some light on my dilemma. For me, getting older has meant more tears. I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m sad, I cry at goodbyes, I cry at movies and even while watching football (especially if my team wins).

As a man growing up in the early 1950’s, I was taught to stay strong and never shed a tear. Even when I skinned my knees, my parents expected me to “be brave.”

Now, in my late 70’s, I’m turning into a blubbering old man and wondering why I’m so emotional. 

Signed,

Cry Baby

Dear Cry Baby (aka - sensitive man),

I think author Steve Maraboli had it right when he wrote, “Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”

From my research and personal experience on the subject of crying more as we age, I’ve found there’s good news and some not so good.

In general, older adults report having high levels of emotional well-being. Sometimes even higher than younger adults. Surprised? My take on this is that we’ve (I’m pushing seventy-seven) lived through and survived a good deal of trauma by now. We’ve learned the power of hope and gratitude, which are both essential to having a sense of well-being, and we’ve learned how to be resilient.

Perhaps it’s not so much that you're more emotional, it’s that you’re better able to connect emotionally with people and events in the outside world because you now have a broad range of experience. Perhaps, when you were younger, your emotions were more limited and self-centered. In other words, you’re crying more because you’re caring more. That’s good news.

On the flip side, increased tearfulness is frequently associated with depression and anxiety. People often experience these conditions at the same time. I’d suggest you check in with yourself to determine if this is true for you. 

Stephen Sideroff, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at UCLA and Director of the Raoul Wallenberg Institute of Ethics, has conducted research that may help you understand your situation more clearly. According to Dr. Sideroff, “Crying activates the body in a healthy way.” 

He goes on to say, “Letting down one's guard and one's defenses and (crying) is a very positive, healthy thing. The same thing happens when you watch a movie and it touches you and you cry. That process of opening into yourself... it's like a lock and key.”

I’d say that, overall, unless you’re experiencing depression and/or anxiety, your tendency to cry more is positive. Embrace your new and improved sensitive self. Beware - the alternative might be to become a grumpy old man.