Aunt Carole’s Birthday Gift

Many have said. Every family has someone very special, but if you cannot decide who the special person is, it might be you. For better or worse. Forever and ever. Especially on holidays.

Aunt Carole came to the island during the last Christmastime, and many in the family were not surprised when the stylish aunt who always wore the latest trends in fashion made her first appearance in over a decade. Everyone knew Aunt Carole was special because of her quirky traits, her three ex-husbands, and flamboyant lifestyle, but most recently, the wild and crazy aunt became notorious because of her trouble with the law.

During her recent appearance at grandmother’s holiday gala, Aunt Carole drank too much eggnog and threw up on the Christmas tree. Afterward, and to make up for her embarrassing mishap, she jumped into a Santa Claus suit, drove to Miami, and robbed a bank to give away cash to the kids for Christmas. This seemed like a good idea until the FBI followed the novice bank robber back to grandmother’s house with an electronic tracking device hidden in the money. This exercise in flamboyance almost landed Aunt Carole in jail until grandmother’s lawyers went to work and allowed the quirky aunt to remain free as long as local law enforcement could keep an eye on her. This fortunate turn of events allowed the notorious relative to become an overserved embarrassment during spring break and to host the disaster of an Easter egg hunt in an Easter Bunny suit at a wrong address.

No one truly knew what Aunt Carole was up to when she was jetting around with the moneybags of her three former husbands. Her past was a mystery, but a few of the more cynical family members were willing to wager she was back because she was out of money. She was also apparently without a prospect for husband number four. Also appealing for the obvious black sheep was most probably achieving the blessing, financially or otherwise, of grandmother.

Because grandmother was loaded and an heir from a vast family fortune that was older than cornflakes and most of the railroads that carried North America into the twentieth century, the industrialist matriarch did pretty much whatever she wanted.

One of grandmother’s most passionate wishes, however, was to create a stable and respectable position for the family. To accomplish this ultimate goal of respectability, the grand matriarch decided to hold court in the giant living room with the big water view and assign Aunt Carole a special assignment for the month of September.

September, grandmother decreed, was the most important birthday month of the year. This was simply because September held more birthdays than any other month.

With a sigh and a flash of her eyes that could have meant almost anything, the matriarch went on to explain that September held more birthdays because of all the romantic opportunities and inspirations provided by Christmastime. More babies are born in September, because as Mother Nature intends, it takes nine months for a baby to be born. From conception until birth.

Throughout grandmother’s declaration, Aunt Carole sat in rapt focus. She already had three strikes against her and she was determined to impress grandmother with the latest family request.

The meeting ended when the infamous aunt rose from her seat and announced she would be very happy to arrange the best birthday gift for everyone.

Because the birthdays were all across September, Aunt Carole chose the 15th for the big surprise gift. She also chose a private room at one of the best restaurants on the island. Gifts for wealthy kids were always a problem, so Aunt Carole booked a two-week cruise on the most extravagant cruise line and then focused on the real birthday surprise.

On the evening of the big birthday, everything was perfect. All the kids were on time at the restaurant; Aunt Carole was nervous but well prepared, and even grandmother was in a tolerable mood when she arrived with her two scrutinizing assistants.

Dinner was delectable; the presentation of the cruise line tickets also created a flurry of excitement, but when Aunt Carole stood at the opposite end of the big table from grandmother and her two human watchdogs, a silence fell over the private room. With everyone watching, Aunt Carole picked up a remote for a large television monitor that was on the wall for presentations and clicked the button.

On the screen, an image appeared showing about twenty humanoid-looking robots working on a new blacktop roadway that was bisecting a green pasture with flowers growing on either side. The robots were sparkling white and working with shovels and rakes. On the image, no heavy machinery was visible, just the robots that were looking very much like sparkling-white versions of The Terminator. The robots were all head down and working. They were obviously pushing around the black macadam with their shovels and rakes.

Beneath the image was a caption. “The first ever robot-built road in China. A 100-kilometer roadway built entirely by robots.”

With preamble, Aunt Carole looked around the room and asked a question. “What is wrong with this photograph?”

Everyone began speaking at once. There were many answers but no one had the answer that would satisfy Aunt Carole. Finally, she pointed to the image and said, “My gift to you is a reminder to have simple common sense and take it with you always. Please do not believe everything you see on the Internet. If this image was real and the robots were really building a road with blacktop, they would be very dirty.”

Aunt Carole was also a September baby, but the best present for her was when grandmother smiled.