Ask the Life Coach

Dear Kid,

In a recent article for the New York Times, Kristin Wong defined play as something that’s imaginative, self-directed, intrinsically motivated, and guided by rules that leave room for creativity. 

Wong quoted Jeff Harry, a positive play coach, who wrote, “One way to think about play is an action you do that brings you a significant amount of joy without offering a specific result.”

It sounds like you want to channel your inner kid and do something fun but your Gremlin or inner critic, is shutting you down. This may sound weird but as a Life Coach, I’ve had success with asking people to speak out loud to their Gremlin. In your case, you might say something like, “Don’t worry, I’ll take you along.” Or “I won’t become irresponsible; play will only be part of my life, not all of it.” 

If you’re more of a nuts and bolts type of person, consider research that shows being playful is a key way to get more out of life. In her book Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has The Time, one of the things author Brigid Schulte examines is research about the science of play and why it’s what makes us more whole.

Remind yourself that play empowers people to be flexible thinkers, creative, young-at-heart, and free-spirited. It provides an opportunity for pure enjoyment that doesn’t need structure. 

Next, figure out your play style. Thinking about what you enjoyed as a child may be helpful. Did you play quietly with dolls, action figures, and Legos or did you enjoy baseball and climbing trees? What did you look forward to in school - craft time, reading circle, music, or recess?

What is your intuition telling you about play? What do you find interesting? What makes you feel free? 

Follow your heart. Gardening may be work for some and play for others. Going for a walk outside may feel like a workout routine or it can be a fun exploration of your environment. I’m not fond of exercise so I add a bit of whimsy to walking by taking photos of interesting things along the way, then I post the photos to social media. 

The upcoming holidays are a great time to incorporate play into your life. Say “yes” to a party invitation, buy yourself a toy (I’m not advocating a Corvette convertible), dance (even if it’s just around your living room), dust off those art supplies or woodworking tools, put a craft kit on your wish list so you’ll have something fun under the tree, and designate 2025 as The Year For Play.