Ask the Life Coach

Dear Up There,

Coincidentally, I literally just wrote a book about this subject. Martha, in the book It’s (Mostly) Good To Be Martha, is eighty-nine and lives in an assisted living apartment due to memory issues (she left the stove on and burned the pot).

Like you, I’m also turning eighty this summer. Perhaps my book grew out of my own subconscious questions. As you can see from the title, fictional Martha is mostly in a good place. She has friends, finds ways to have fun beyond BINGO, and keeps herself in pretty good shape by regularly visiting the workout room. She has a hobby and is enjoying a couple of romances. I hope you and I will be so fortunate as we approach ninety.

Beyond how Martha approaches positive aging, Tak Poon, M.D., a cardiologist with the Palo Alto Medical Foundation, suggests the following seven tips to help us age gracefully.

1. Live in the moment. Since we can’t predict life’s every turn, Dr. Poon suggests we make the most of every moment (see my May column about daily pleasures).
2. Learn to forgive yourself and others. Poon says forgiveness doesn’t mean we condone what occurred; it means you relinquish the event’s toxic hold on your mind and body. He recommends consulting a therapist or counselor if you need support in doing this.
3. Find humor and laugh at yourself. Watch funny movies, read funny books. Take joy seriously and take yourself lightly.
4. Stay curious. Poon says, “Know that you’re never too old to learn something new.” I published my first book at seventy-five, my fourth at nearly eighty. The adventure of doing something new has contributed to keeping me young. What new adventure is calling to you?
5. Be flexible in body and mind. The doctor likes yoga for muscle flexibility and the mindful approach it gives to movement and breath to improve your mental outlook. I personally enjoy weekly chair yoga in addition to the stationary bicycle and weight machines in the gym.
6. Meditate. Poon says meditation comes in many forms including prayer, gardening, journaling, and quilting. “Engage in any activity where time flies because you’re having fun,” he says.
7. Be grateful. Learn to appreciate the good things around you.

Author, Darius Foroux writes, “The purpose of life is not happiness, it’s usefulness.” I’d agree. What are you doing to serve the wider good?