Adoption is Love

Last September, I wrote a Heartbreak and Hope column about a Naples-based nonprofit called Project B.U.I.L.D., which serves foster and homeless youth in Southwest Florida. Project B.U.I.L.D. provides a full slate of mentoring and instructional services for its young clients, from financial literacy and computer training to social skills and resume building.

Melissa Henderson, a Marco Island resident who volunteers at Project B.U.I.L.D., met a seven-year-old there named “RJ,” who had bounced around to 20 different foster homes in his young life, living with squalor and trauma throughout. Melissa and her husband Al brought RJ into their home with hopes of adopting him by year-end.

“God pulled him out of a rat-infested trailer with no floor,” she said at the time. “I don’t think he has a rough path anymore.”

Like many cases winding through family court services, RJ’s adoption took a bit longer than expected, but on March 5th of this year, the Henderson’s adoption of RJ was officially finalized at the Charlotte County Courthouse in a courtroom filled with friends and family, many of whom flew in from out of town. Three days earlier, the Hendersons hosted a party for more than 70 people at their Marco home to celebrate RJ’s adoption, including members of the Project B.U.I.L.D. team and its founder, Aram Wheatley. 

Henderson recalls getting the phone call confirming RJ’s adoption, with RJ listening to the conversation. “He started screaming and jumping up and down and yelling,’ I’m being adopted! I’m being adopted! I’m being adopted!’” she says. “He was so elated.” 

The actual adoption proceeding at the courthouse wasn’t without its challenges. The courthouse itself was in close proximity to one of the homes where RJ had been traumatized, and in the weeks leading up to the adoption, the thought of returning to the area caused RJ anxiety. 

“The couple of weeks before the adoption was very difficult for him,” Henderson says. “We had to have a police escort waiting at the courthouse because he was worried that the man who had abused him and some of his other family members were going to show up. When we got into the courtroom, some of his old behaviors came out, and he hid under a courtroom bench. He was scared to death.”

But surrounded by a loving network of extended family and friends, and his new parents, RJ calmed down, opened up and enjoyed the moment. He noticed some toys on the judge’s desk and asked, “Can I get up there?” The judge obliged and Henderson hoisted him up for a better view. Oaths were sworn, papers signed, and after just ten minutes, RJ officially became part of the Henderson family.

I asked Henderson how RJ shows his gratitude for the Hendersons welcoming him into their family. Henderson described how RJ got a new birth certificate as part of the adoption process, which lets the child choose a new name if they wish. “We sat and talked with him and asked him what he’d like his name to be,” she says. “He said, ‘I want to have the same name as my dad and brother,’” referring to Al Henderson and his 27-year-old son AJ. So, RJ’s new name on his new birth certificate is RJ Ferrol Alphonso Henderson.

“That’s definitely a tribute to Al, that he loves, respects and emulates him,” Henderson says. “He wants to dress like him. He wants to speak like him. Al’s Jamaican, so RJ speaks a little patois with him and his family and his friends. RJ now tells everyone he’s a little Jamaican.”

And that gratitude extends in equal parts to Melissa Henderson herself. “He tells me, ‘Mommy, you’re the best mommy I could ever have,’” she says. “And he just says it over and over with the most appreciation. I know how truly grateful he is.”

AJ, RJ’s new older brother, resides in Texas but has kept in close touch with RJ in the more than a year and a half he’s been with the Hendersons. “He celebrates the good things with RJ,” Henderson says. “He and his girlfriend jumped on a plane at the last minute for his adoption. But AJ will check RJ if he steps out of line. He’ll tell him, ‘Listen, if that was me, dad would have done this. You better straighten up.’ He’s an awesome big brother.”

Melissa Henderson gets a bit emotional when reflecting on the “journey” her family has been on with RJ, and rightfully so. It’s a journey filled with hope, joy and the promise of a bright future together, but it’s inextricably linked to a past that has a certain darkness that still lingers.

“I was told by a woman who fostered kids for a long time that you know it’s going to be a hard day by how they wake up in the morning,” Henderson says. “Yesterday was actually a day like that for RJ. He really reflected on a lot of the things he’s lived through. But in general, he just wakes up very happy every day, looking for the next thing that’s fun to do and the next experience he’s going to have. He lives in the moment. He just really loves life.”

Aram Wheatley, the founder of Project B.U.I.L.D., which was instrumental in connecting RJ with the Hendersons, says, “I think the Hendersons are helping to level the playing field for RJ. By adopting him, they are giving him a better chance to succeed in life. When I think about his adoption, I believe RJ is getting an opportunity to make his life as fair and successful as possible.”