A Source of Light

Dear Looking,

I’m sorry for your loss. I empathize with your pain and sense of darkness. 

Just to be clear, I’m not a therapist. My advice is only my opinion based on my personal experiences. I do, however, recommend that you seek professional help if your dark feelings continue over time and they’re causing you to lose touch with your normal life.

That said, I personally believe that there is always a source of light if one seeks it. This light may come through our faith in God, an empathetic friend, or our own will to move forward. Bahram Akradi, Founder and CEO of Life Time (the fitness people) says, “There is always some source of light in the darkness, shining on different opportunities, pointing toward new possibilities.”

Visualize a single candle lighting up a room. Moving forward in the smallest way can yield a brighter future. The light points toward new possibilities and shines on different opportunities. Look for the light! Do one thing different today that will give you pleasure—take a walk in nature, read a book, eat a favorite food, speak with a friend, watch a fun movie. What feels “light” to you?

I’m also wondering how you’ve handled loss in the past. I don’t know your age, but even most children have experienced some type of loss—a dog, a grandma, or a playmate moving away. What helped you handle smaller losses will help you handle this major loss. Each time we experience loss, I believe we become more resilient. We accumulate emotional tools that can help us in the future. Lean on your past experience. What helped you handle loss in the past?

I believe we live in a grief illiterate nation. Listening to others and sharing the depth of our own suffering helps us feel seen. Don’t hesitate to share your feelings with someone you trust. What can you do to learn about the grief process and how others have dealt with their grief? Who might you speak with—or just BE with?

Allow yourself time to grieve then allow yourself to rediscover joy. It’s okay to be happy again; it’s what your loved one would want for you.  

Mershon Niesner is a Certified Life Coach and author of “Mom’s Gone, Now What? Ten Steps to Help Daughters Move Forward After Mother Loss” which is available on Amazon; also, locally at Sunshine Booksellers and Keep In Touch. For more information visit www.mershonniesner.com. Email your coaching questions to askcoachmershon@gmail.com. Your identity will be kept strictly confidential.