70 Years Together

Many couples in long-lasting marriages recite platitudes when explaining the key to their longevity as a couple. Not Donna and Bob Theys. They actually credit fighting for their 70 years of wedded bliss.

“You fight a lot,” Donna Theys, 87, said emphatically. "We were very young when we married. So what are you going to do when you're young? He does what he wants to do. And I yell about it. He hunted. He fished. There wasn't anything he didn't do. He became friends with my brother. And my brother was a duck hunter, too. A big duck hunter. They'd go out to Montana hunting, and I was home with three little kids.”

"We argued a lot because we were young, you know,” she said. "And what do you do? I think we rolled on the floor even. But that was because we were very young. We were renting a flat and…"

"Our friends lived upstairs,” Bob Theys, 90, interjected, picking up where Donna left off. "It was kind of the whole neighborhood was our friends."

"They would be upstairs,” Donna Theys said, "and we would be fighting downstairs. They'd listen at the registers. I was a hothead. Definitely. And one time we got in an argument about something. I don't know, probably his hunting or something. And I got so frustrated because I didn't know what to do with him. So we had a brand-new stove and you know how a gas stove has a grill? I grabbed it, picked it up and threw it and it broke into a million pieces. And I didn't mean for it to break. He said, ‘Oh, you want to see things break?’ So he started throwing my dishes and breaking them. That ended it. I didn't throw anything again."

“Now you’re telling stories out of school,” Bob Theys tells Donna in a calm tone.

Arguments in the early years of their life turned into a better understanding of each other. They made adjustments and their love has blossomed into a 70-year success story. Donna has long admired Bob’s work ethic.

"One thing about Bob,” Donna Theys said, "he always worked, and thank God for that. But I mean, two jobs all his life."

“When we bought our first house,” Bob Theys said, "she was 19 and we had one kid at the time. I was working at Kelsey-Hayes midnights, eight hours, and I was working at Wincraft, eight hours. That's to get my first house. I didn't ask my parents for a nickel. We just bought it."

Friendships are another cornerstone in their happy marriage.

“We've had a lot of friends in our life.” Donna Theys. “Grab that picture, Bob.”

Bob grabs a framed 3.5” photo from the shelf. There are 16 people in the picture.

"These are all our friends,” Donna Theys says wistfully. "And two of them, my two best girlfriends, both died of Alzheimer’s. And of this group, there's only me and Bob left, and Eileen."

“These two were the ones that lived upstairs from us,” Bob reminisces.

Even though they had known each other since grade school, the two quickly became a couple in high school.

"I have to tell you what he did,” the effervescent Donna Theys said. "I was in the back seat sitting with Don and this other guy was in the front seat with Bob. And so Don went in the house and Bob turned around and he kissed me. I was sitting there like 'this guy’s arrogant, isn't he?' And he said, 'Get in the front seat.’ So that was it. We were together from then on.”

They both agreed that having children early in life made their 40s the highlight of their 70 years together.

"I would say we were probably in our 40s,” Bob Theys said. "The kids were all gone. And that was the beginning of just having everything, just the two of us. And that became our life."

"We were married so young,” Donna Theys said, “then we had a lot of time without children at home.”

Yeah, like 50 years worth!

The Theys would advise young couples to fight through the tough times.

“Fight through it because not everything's going to be wonderful,” Bob Theys said. "It's going to come with bad times, especially if you don't have any money when you're first married. We were broke. The kids are coming and you've got to pay bills and everybody's hounding you. It was tough. The first four or five years were really tough."

"And we fought our way through it,” Donna Theys said proudly. “You just have to give in a little too. You know, you can't always be the winner. You've got to give in. Trust me."

“We were just blessed to find each other,” Bob Theys said. "But there's a lot of people that don't find that person. A soulmate."

"I'm sure there were times he wanted to throw me right out,” Donna Theys said, “and there were times I threw his clothes right down the street. I'm serious."

“I went deer hunting to come home and find my clothes on the porch,” Bob Theys said.

"I thought I'd really made a bad mistake,” Donna Theys recalls. "I should have just cut them up. I wouldn't have to throw them out. Him and my brother, you know, that was a bad combination."

“No,” Bob Theys said deliberately, "he was my best buddy.”

Like many of their friends, Donna’s brother has passed.

"He had a heart attack,” Bob Theys said.

Donna and Bob still tell each other the words I love you. 

“Occasionally,” Bob Theys said.

“Occasionally,” Donna Theys agrees, "depending on what's going on or just, I don't know, offhand. Walk by and say it."

"We still hug,” Bob Theys said, looking at his wife, “we still kiss."

So there's still a lot of affection after 70 years. But maybe not quite like they were 16 and 19. 

“Well,” Donna Theys said with a smile, “it was more fun making up then."